While the rest of the world of sports punditry feverishly debates whether or not Alex Rodriguez actually deserved his one-season ban from baseball for PED use, only one man was brave enough to actually step up and defend the embattled New York Yankees third baseman for doing what anyone else in his shoes would have done. That man? Stephen Colbert. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. First, Colbert defended A-Rod because baseball’s highest paid underachiever has said on multiple occasions that he has never actually used PEDs. If a man’s word isn’t good enough, then what is?
Ultimately, Colbert raised the important argument of whether or not us normal buffoons would use performance-enhancing drugs to make ourselves better at what we do, and yes – I would use drugs if it helped me write dick jokes better and faster than the young bucks coming out of college right now. It’s so damned hard to keep up with their youthful enthusiasm, as they’re still years away from realizing that being an adult is horrible.
Also, I’d like to see a Stephen Colbert centaur painting.