The 80s TV Sitcom Daughters Guide To Fantasy Football Wide Receivers

08.08.11 5 years ago • 21 Comments

Now that we’ve all calmed down from last week’s controversial running back rankings, I figured it was time to start the week off on the wrong foot with an equally controversial and debatable fantasy football wide receivers ranking. However, I don’t think that it will be the receivers and where I have them ranked that will fire everyone up, as much as it will be the means in which I group them – 80s TV sitcom daughters. I know, we’re like Harvard and MIT had a big, stupid baby after a drunken weekend in Cancun.

After all, let’s look at what happened since I posted that RB feature:

– The Kansas City Chiefs signed LeRon McClain, which means that Jamaal Charles might get one touchdown this season. Meanwhile, Ray Rice is all by himself. I’ve never said that our readers aren’t smarter than me.
– Mikel Leshoure tore his ACL and will miss the entire season for the Detroit Lions.
– Ashley Tisdale showed up at a gym looking like this. It’s just baffling.

As for the football meat of this ranking, I always have a lot of fun picking my wide receivers, because this is where you can really find some hidden gems, especially if you’re in a standard format league and you start 3 WRs or 2 WRs and 1 RB/WR flex spot. But of course there are also always the standard studs, definitive duds, and those guys who are just good enough to keep that one guy in your league sending trade offers for your top RBs all season long.

Oh, and if you couldn’t already tell by that banner pic, it’s pretty obvious who the No. 1 choice is.

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The Jamie Powells

When I told Brandon which theme I was using for this ranking, he asked, “You’ve got Jamie Powell as your No. 1, right?” Like that would even be a question. Just Googling pictures of Nicole Eggert took me spiraling into a sticky, awkward wormhole of my teenage years. Needless to say, these are the best of the class this year, shaming all of the Sarah Powells of the NFL.

1) Andre Johnson – If Johnson hadn’t missed 3 games last season, he would have more than likely had his first 10+ touchdown season, and finished close to 1,500-yards. He already has a dislocated finger, but he has 9 others so he should still be able to give you elite numbers.

2) Hakeem Nicks – It’s rather bold to suggest that Nicks is better than the guys I have listed below, but bold wins championships. Even if Steve Smith re-signs with the New York Giants, he’s still coming off a serious surgery, so it’s Nicks and Mario Manningham. Nicks showed that he can be the touchdown guy, and he’s yet to play a full season.

3) Larry Fitzgerald – Will Kevin Kolb return Fitzy to prominence? Doesn’t matter. Fitzgerald is pretty much all he has. Someone has to score in that offense and it’s not going to be Beanie Wells.

4) Greg Jennings – The Green Bay Packers are probably going to have another very good season. Jermichael Finley is healthy, which means less looks for Jennings, but he will have his big moments and will produce numbers just short of the Wisconsin cholesterol average.

5) Roddy White – I’m punishing White for the Atlanta Falcons’ public displays of affection for Julio Jones. We get it – he’s a good receiver and Matt Ryan is a gentle lover.

6) Calvin Johnson – If the Detroit Lions would work on the offensive line just a little more, this should be a top tier offense. Maybe Matt Stafford stays alive this season. Someone should look into that.

Oh, also:

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