The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 3/7/13: All Works And No Joseph Park Make Danielle Something Something

03.08.13 4 years ago 44 Comments

Hello, lovelies! Welcome back to the Impact Best and Worst, unfortunately sidelines by a bout of food poisoning. If you’re not sure if you should eat it, and you do it anyways, you kind of get what you deserve, and I really, really did. A couple of notes, then we’ll get right to it!

– So The Mandible Claw is a thing I do now, and you should absolutely be checking it out. Besides the new weekly podcast featuring Brandon and myself, there are some great guest contributions that are more than worth your time.

– At the time of posting, there legitimately aren’t many videos up on Impact’s YouTube channel, so if you’d like to play along go to Spike TV for the full episode.

– Be sure to like us on Facebook, follow myself, With Leather, and UPROXX on the twitters, and share, tumbl, and comment your hearts out. We’ve got two weeks to get caught up on, and I know you all saw that AJ segment last week.

This week on Impact: Kurt Angle makes some questionable life decisions, Wes Brisco is allowed to hold a live mic again, and we finally find out who that D’Lo shaped member of Aces & Eights is! Tuck in, folks! It’s gonna be a long, poorly executed ride!

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Bill Moody, Percy Pringle, Paul Bearer…no matter what your name is, you’ll be missed terribly.

Worst: A whole week, Kurt? Really?

Before anyone starts harping on storylines and television, I know. I know why it’s being done. But really Kurt? Really? A semi-vicious gang with a history of beating people into extended reality show vacations and kidnapping people, and you decide…to keep things to yourself? For a WEEK? Like, you can’t even send a quick text? Leave a note? Send a fax? What if something happened to you? Maybe a quick heads up to, I don’t know, anyone, would be way safer than walking around with vital information about the group threatening your livelihoods? It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again, and yeah…that’s a TNA problem.

Worst: Impact crowd, I am for real not going to miss you

Drunk ladies behind Aries in the crowd, playing with your phones and generally being distracting and obnoxious, you are awful, and I’m glad you won’t be opposite hard camera again anytime soon. Creepy Sting Guy, see you never. Impact Redhead, I won’t miss you, but Chris Sims will, so…y’know… maybe do some traveling. People who wandered in during their vacation and thought it might be cool to be on TV and see a free wrestling show who just sit on their hands and don’t give two anythings, I’ll miss you least of all.

Best: But oh hey, wrestling!

It’s pretty amazing how the presence of Austin Aries can elevate the presence of those around him not named Chavo or Hernandez. As far as I’m concerned, Aries shouldn’t be able to walk because so many crummier wrestlers have just attached themselves to his underbelly like baby opossum in hopes of getting awesomer. He can get a passable to good match against 2012 Samoa Joe. When he’s paired with someone like Alex Shelley magic can happen. This may not have been magic, but Austin Aries is the biggest and best non-Joseph Park reason to be watching, and is the best opponent to wake Jeff Hardy from his complacent stupor.

Worst, but maybe best: Sting is going off the rails

Sting has his team in Hogan’s office, and gives literally the worst, most crazeballs rhyming pep talk in the history of rhyming and pep and talking. It’s not about submission, it’s about being on a mission! Eric Young, you kissed a fifteen foot tiger shark while you were supposed to be recovering from a nasty A&E-inflicted injury!


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