The Best And Worst Of Impact Wrestling 4/18/13: Eager Young Lads And Rogues And Cads

04.19.13 4 years ago 51 Comments

Well hello there, lovely readers. I know there are a lot of crazy things happening right now, so I appreciate you stopping by. If you’re reading this it means you’re somewhere, safe and sound, and I’m ever so thankful for that. With everything going on, it’s pretty tough to act like a dumb wrestling show is important, least of all try to be funny about it, but I think we could all do with a bit of levity and I will try my very best. A few things before we dive into another episode:

– There are only 8 days left in the Meet Me There IndieGoGo drive. Trust me, this is something you’ll want to be a part of. If you like horror movies, Brandon, Jill Thompson, and making dreams reality, then pledge some money. It’s been scientifically proven that making a donation will make you a cool cat and a With Leather friend forever, so, you know, do it.

– This week at The Mandible Claw, Chris Sims and Leonard F. Chikarason guested on the podcast. If you like Chikara you will definitely want to listen to this one. It’s been scientifically proven that listening to the Mandible Claw podcast will make you the bee’s knees and a Danielle friend forever, so, you know, do that too.

– Thanks to the internet we can all be friends forever, so go ahead and follow me on Twitter here. Follow With Leather here, and UPROXX here, then we can all be the best of friends. Friendship means caring, and caring means sharing, so spread this around on Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Reddit, Pinterest, Google+, Vine, Tout, Myspace, Livejournal, Deadjournal, and maybe that forum board you don’t tell people you’re still a part of in 2013. Don’t worry, we’re friends now. We’ll keep it between us.

This week on Impact: We’re still in Corpus Christi and AJ Styles still hasn’t showered, but Christy Hemme changed her dress so it must be a new episode. /creeper slow-pan to Impact report

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Worst: This week

I don’t usually like to touch on non-kayfabe, non-wrestling related things, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the crazy, sad, horrible events of this week. The bombings in Boston, the explosion in West, Texas, and then even more violence in the Boston area last night. Forget about the politics and media frenzy today, and focus on love. Be safe. Be well. Hug your family. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Do things that make you happy. Do something nice for someone else. Most importantly, remember that hope and compassion will always be stronger than malevolence, and no matter what is going on in the world, you’ll find peace in the cultivation of both.

How to help West, Texas

How to help Boston

Worst, but my giggles say it’s secretly a best: Garrett Bischoff, what on earth is that on your face?

Worst: Kurt Angle’s singlet

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Worst: TNA production, what are you even doing

It’s been two weeks, and you’re telling me that you couldn’t find a single camera angle to make that double suplex (duplex?) look better? At first blush, it actually looked pretty cool. We all know that Brischoff, even when their powers combine, are not great wrestlers, but with proper framing and editing you could have made this a passable match. Without that spot this match is completely and utterly forgettable, but rather than emphasizing that hey, that guy who might be some kind of human-robot-hybrid just totally suplexed two dudes at once, the replay emphasizes that hey, that one guy in the front totally jumped while the guy in the middle suplexed him while Kurt Angle just kind of fell backwards. That’s no fun. No fun at all. Remember Breaking the Magician’s Code? That guy who revealed the ~secrets of magic~? That guy was a douche. Don’t be that guy.

Worst: You never go full-Anderson

Did Mr. Anderson have a stroke? Is … is he okay?

Anderson has proven in the past that he can be really good at playing the smarmy heel type, but in all seriousness, he’s gotten weird as f-ck and it’s slightly concerning. Is it all of the stripper handies? The motorcycle exhaust fumes? Whatever it is, this head movie makes my eyes rain.

Best: This baby Sea Otter is SO SNEEZY

Sorry. I know this has nothing to do with TNA, but this is going to be a lot of worsts back to back, and we need something to break it up. Can you think of a better way to do so than by watching a fluffy Sea Otter pup sneeze for 44 seconds? DIDN’T THINK SO.

Worst: Petey Williams and his weird dick flap are back in the X-Division – the X-Division still sucks

I flat-out love the Canadian Destroyer. It’s the most Commonwealth finisher not performed by William Regal. It looks super cool. Do I look forward to it in a match? Absolutely. Do I enjoy watching a slow, boring, ill-spotted, poorly executed match to get to it? Absolutely not.

It’s nice that the X-Division is back up to four people after losing RVD to…parts unknown…but jamming a camera on Bald Ref’s head that simultaneously makes him look like the 17th member of the Pietasters and/or Gloria Swanson in prison stripes is not going to distract me from the fact that this is still so, so bad. Reminding me that Xema Ion was a default X-Division champion for 98 days is not going to distract me from the fact that oh god, Xema Ion was default champion for 98 days. I say we move Kenny King into the tag division with, say, AR Fox or Rich Swann, scrap the X-Division altogether, and then go listen to ska while we figure out how to reanimate it’s rotten, bloated corpse. You bring the Skatellites and the Specials, I’ll bring the Beat and some Save Ferris, and we’ll all have a grand old time, ‘kay?

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