Lana, initiating painful and permanent responses all day, every day.
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Read on for the Best and Worst of Main Event: Friday Edition, er, I mean Smackdown…
Worst: Why Are You Wasting This Feud?
Why is Sheamus being used to keep Bray Wyatt occupied while he waits for Cena to AA him off a cage through a mountain of barbwire tables or whatever? Sheamus should be Bray’s full-time dance partner. Sheamus is often accused of being a larger, paler John Cena, but the dude doesn’t live in John Cena’s ivory tour bus just yet. Sheamus can actually change. Bray Wyatt’s ominous promos can actually lead to something with Sheamus, who desperately needs a shake-up anyways. Have Sheamus join the Wyatts, drop the Beaker hair and go full-on Viking. Have Rowan be his long lost son, or dad or uh, imperfect clone? Anything! Sheamus needs something to do other than “be the same old Sheamus who now sometimes loses”.Subscribe to UPROXX
Best: Fast, Clubbery and Out of Control
But hey, even though I thought it was a waste of resources, The Wyatts vs. The Usos & Sheamus was pretty rockin’ wrestling match. These are the six hardest-hitting guys on the roster, most of whom are damn good on their worst day, and this was nowhere near anybody’s worst day. Losing three times in two weeks has put the fear of God into Sheamus and he was busting ass like a 280 pound Dolph Ziggler, the Usos’ title reign is actually turning into a real thing (and one of them gets to go home to Naomi every night) so they were wild Samoan superkicking machines, and The Wyatts were clearly glad to be away from John Cena and his Photoshop Phunnies for a while.
This match was like a sped-up 80s Jackie Chan fight scene — everyone moving just a little faster than seems possible. Real Armor of God s–t. At one point Sheamus takes an over the ropes bump like he’s been ejected from a car windshield then is up 30-seconds later smiling about it. An Uso eats a Michinoku driver straight into Luke Harper’s f–king knee and keeps coming. I’d say this match shortened careers, but I’m pretty sure it’s not an issue since all the guys involved are made of rubber vulcanized by pure manliness.