The Best And Worst Of Smackdown 5/23/14: Si-Bo-Ling Rivalry

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WWE

Bo Dallas (re)debuts this week! Yeah, on Smackdown. I was surprised too!

Pre-show Notes:

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Worst: Hulkacatatonia

Who would have thought returning to the WWE would be the thing to finally snuff out Hulk Hogan’s mystique? At least he, you know, did things in TNA. He was an important part of a nationally televised wrestling program.

Now all he does is occasionally wander out to shout about how psyched he is for awesome WWE products brother, and he doesn’t even do that very well. The dude’s a giant, orange Scott Stanford at this point. I mean, just look at the audience during this segment — yeah, they cheer when Hulk points at them, because cheering when Hulk Hogan points at you paragraph one of the “Being a WWE Fan” contract, but man, the looks on their faces. They couldn’t be any more bored if the opening segment was nothing but Alberto Del Rio silently holding a headlock on Kofi Kingston for 10-minutes.

Best: 500-Pounds of Men on Top of Me

And for the third match in this Batista/Dolph Ziggler series, an actual finish!

I’ve really been enjoying these matches, as Batista has been at his apathetic dickface best and Dolph Ziggler is getting to do something other than wrestle Damien Sandow, so he’s working his sparkly Underoos off. This match in particular was a great example of the physically superior specimen with zero heart vs. the guy with nothing but heart. Batista kept teasing finishers and Ziggler would reverse them time and time again, but none of the reversals could quite get him the pin. Finally Ziggler lost his mind, attempted a running fameasser on the stairs, failed, then ate one big move and lost.

You don’t see matches like this often because now everyone’s a video game wrestler who can only lose once their lifebar is depleted and they’re hit with a special move. Of course in real life sometimes one character has five lifebars and barely functional controls and the other is Viewtiful Joe, but dies in one hit. Oh, and I know you don’t want to hear it Batista haters, but this match was mostly good because of Big Dave. Ziggler is physically gifted, but his matches rarely have any sort of narrative — this match’s depth was likely the doing of the clumsy, sweaty, tattooed dude.

Supplemental Best for Michael Cole being wiped out by Batista, then curling into a ball like a Brylcreemed baby while Batista and Ziggler continued to brawl on top of him.

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