The Best And Worst Of Smackdown 5/30/14: Gluten-Free Millennials

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WWE

This week’s title comes from an Adam Rose segment, but I have a feeling he’s not much of a click grabber, soooo hey look, it’s Paige!

Pre-show Notes:

Hey gluten-free millennials, hit those share buttons and support the Smackdown B&W cause! These reports are totally fair-trade and free-range and just, uh, really packed full of social justice.They’re not vegan though — you’ll have to stick with all the other reports on this site for that.

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Worst: Keep This Kind of Stuff Under the Bleachers

The Shield are all awesome dudes who are good to great on the mic, but this opening segment was boring as ass. No, wait, asses aren’t boring. Uh, boring as elbows? All three guys just slowly recapped what happened on Raw, said they were going to beat up Evolution, and that was it. This would have been a fine three-minute under the bleachers Shield classic, but I kind of expect things to actually happen in show-opening in-ring segments. Did The Shield catch Santino masturbating under the bleachers and refuse to go back under to film this promo?

Roman Reigns may look like The Rock, but The Shield aren’t at the place where they can just go out and talk about nothing yet. If you need something for them to do, I hear they’re pretty good a six-man tag matches.

Best: Cesaro vs. Kofi

It feels like it’s been a while since I saw Kofi Kingston on TV. I’m sure I probably saw a Kofi Kingston match last week and just forgot about it because, well, it was a Kofi Kingston match, but I dunno — my Kofi weariness wasn’t as acute on Friday.

It helps that this match was really quite good. Obviously Cesaro was great, landing his uppercuts with even more snap than usual, but Kofi was no slouch either, nailing a mean drilling missile dropkick and a nice spinning kick that was very RVD-esque, except, you know, actually good. I wouldn’t mind having this Kofi Kingston around more often.

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WWE

Best: For Cryin’ Out Loud

Bad News Barrett, loveable rogue that he is, kicks his backstage interview off by talking to Renee in a French accent (because Francophone girls totally dig that) and then launched into a wonderful spiel about how pathetic 2014 RVD is, and how the English have never ever been afraid of the Irish (and they never will be). I’ll take his word for it.

He also cleared up something I’ve personally been confused by for the longest time, by confirming that the Intercontinental Champion does indeed represent all the world’s continents. Every one! Sure, that’s only 30% of the Earth’s surface, but it’s still pretty good, and a damn sight better than just being the US champion. Say what you will about BNB, but he’s nothing if not informative.

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