Alicia Fox straddling Lilian Garcia — something you didn’t know you desperately wanted to see until right now.
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Worst: I Don’t Owe You People An Explanation!
Seth Rollins came out on Smackdown to offer his explanation for turning on the Shield, and well, first disappointment — what’s he still doing wearing the flak jacket? If Rollins is supposed to be Batista’s replacement he should have come out wearing, I dunno, a leather panel hat and a blazer that’s half yellow and half black (to match his hair) with no shirt underneath. Hopefully Ambrose and Reigns don’t show up on Raw in sequined trunks and willingly abdicate the right to wear the flak jackets to Rollins. What’s this feud going to be about if not the flak jackets?
Anyways, guess what Rollins’ explanation for turning on his teammates was? Yup, he I don’t owe you an explanation-ed it, which is near the top of the “Lazy WWE Writing Tropes” list. It’s particularly frustrating because there’s a perfectly satisfying explanation laying right there — according to WWE retcons Rollins founded The Shield, and for most of their history they were bad guys working for Triple H, so Rollins must like doing bad things for Triple H. Simple! Logical! But WWE storylines aren’t allowed to reference things that happened more than a month ago, so until the WWE writing team can figure out a way to explain the Rollins turn without referencing dirty, icky history, we’re stuck with placeholder explanations.
Worst: The Worst Thing You Can Ever Do
Uh oh! Dolph Ziggler is disappointed in you Seth! You turned your back on your brothers! You’re a traitor Seth. Dolph Ziggler would never cast aside someone who cared for him for his own personal gain. Certainly not!
Certainly, definitely not!
Before you start throwing around the term sell out all willy nilly, you might want to check who signs your checks, Dolph.
Hey lady who’s way too attractive for wrestling, but still works the indies after being released by WWE, how does one well-paid WWE superstar accusing other WWE superstars of selling out make you feel?
Best: Rollins Stomps Dolph Ziggler
I was kind of afraid that Rollins’ turn would immediately render him an ineffectual cheating yellabelly even though he was never anything of the sort all that other time he was a bad guy, but nope, he just put Ziggler down fair and square. Granted, the match was fairly competitive, and the announcers and Triple H were selling it as a squeaker, but that makes sense — Rollins hasn’t had a lot of singles matches, and was under pressure to perform now that Triple H has given him the official Snaggletooth stamp of approval. Ultimately the match had a fun “Will Rollins disappoint Uncle Hunter?” tension to it.
Now, let’s get Rollins a real finisher. If Rollins is going to be a thing, he can’t be going around beating guys with Paul Burchill’s moves.
Bad News: BNB May Be Going Face
Uh oh, I got a distressing WWE face-ish vibe from this Bad News Barrett backstage interview. It was mostly humorless, featured and out of nowhere shot at Paul Heyman and was just generally the opposite of what Barrett interviews have been lately. Yes, the guy is likeable, but a guy called Bad News Barrett kind has to be a bad guy, right? At least officially? Please don’t make him a fightin’ WWE babyface whose bad news always involves his opponents’ lack of balls — I just got used to liking BNB and I don’t want to stop now.
Big Show, Seth Rollins and new WWE minis division COO Hunterswoggle.
Worst: What the F-ck Is Wrong With You People?
Jesus, is there something in the Cincinnati water that turns people into irrational assholes? Uh, don’t answer that Cincinnatians.
First we have Dolph Ziggler suddenly being deeply concerned about The Shield’s interpersonal affairs, and now here comes the Big Show to tell Seth Rollins that he’s a soulless piece of trash for being mean to guys Big Show doesn’t even like. Come on Show, how many times have these guys triple powerbombed you? You don’t care about Roman Reigns’ delicate feelings.
Of course, who knows — maybe Big Show’s actually mad because Triple H rents his old house out to new Evolution members. Still, even if that’s true, it’s not really Seth’s fault, so can the faux indignation, Show.
Worst: Rybaxel Have Really Come Into Their Own
JBL spent this match hammering on two points a) that Ryback and Curtis Axel didn’t get along and weren’t a good tag team at first, and b) that they’re now a great tag team. Okay, first, Rybaxel always got along. Paul Heyman almost proposed marriage to Ryback, and Axel was happy for them. After Heyman dumped them both, they stuck together even though they probably should have gone their separate ways. Second, the now super great tag team lost to the Usos in two-and-a-half minutes like chumps. I get that you don’t want to be completely honest and say “Ryback and Axel have a tragic friendship forged in failure and are probably going to lose”, but stop making things up JBL.