The Best And Worst Of TNA Impact Wrestling 1/10/13: She's Like The Wind

01.11.13 4 years ago 110 Comments
Well hello again, Internet friends and that one guy who really hates me! Who’s ready for another Impact that I enjoyed way more than I probably should have? I know I am! But first…

• Over at The Wrestling Blog, I reviewed the SMASH Wrestling event I mentioned in last week’s column. Johnny Gargano did some stuff and I had reactions, so check it out!

• If you missed last week’s report, you can find it here. Personally, I think you should read all of them, but I may be a tad biased.

• Apparently Reddit is a thing we should all be sharing this on. So go forth, red … it … nd make Brandon happy!

• While you’re sharing, like us on Facebook, follow myself, With Leather, and UPROXX on the twitters, and maybe also show how cool you are for reading this on tumblr. It’s not just for pictures of cats!

This week on Impact: Hulk Hogan makes disapproving faces, Jeff Hardy magically keeps his shirt on, and my lifelong views of Supermarket Sweep are crushed. Let’s get Besting and Worsting!

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Worst: Samoa Joe, don’t front

Joe is gonna beat you down, Joe is gonna choke you out, and Joe is going to stand there casually while your fake biker friend locks you in a cage and do absolutely nothing about it. Playing yourself off as being outnumbered is one thing, but we all saw the gif last week. Don’t even.

Further worst: When Mr. Anderson is the only one making sense, you’re doing it wrong

This whole segment was pretty terrible, but Mr. Anderson raises some good points. Why on earth would he be on the side of people who abandoned him? Why would he want to support you when Sting gives such bad nicknames? It’s a perfectly cromulent question, and instead of apologizing, or saying hey, yeah, that was pretty crappy of us, Kurt issues the ‘with us or against us’ ultimatum. Now, I’m a lady who enjoys shades of grey in her wrestling personas, but this is some straight-up BS.

For some reason, Anderson is constantly a hot commodity. Spoiler alert: it is not for his wrestling ability. I think we can all remember (or google) the will-he-won’t-he Anderson and Immortal storyline. Wrestling allegiances and friendships are consistently changing with little regard for continuity (see: every wrestling show ever), but if Mr. Anderson is anything, it’s a consummate butthole. Kurt, I know your memory is probably a little hazy given that your head is about as soft as Eric Lindros’s, but come. on. He’s done this to you before. You have a roster full of people, so it’s not like it’s a numbers game, so why not just leave him alone to get handies in the stripper closet and ultimately betray them instead of you? Beating someone up is a terrible way to woo them to your side of a cause. Oh my god, Kurt. It’s like you don’t even read your own friend fiction.

Best: This was way better the last time you did it

The clip above contains my absolute favourite moment in all of TNA history. The whole things is great! Abyss doesn’t want to hold hands with Gunner, because Gunner! The guy at 2:37 shouting “I TOLD YOU! I KNEW IT!” Mr. Anderson leaps into Abyss’s arms because FRIENDSHIP! It wasn’t bookended by any great wrestling or storytelling really, but the interaction between Abyss and Anderson makes me so happy I’m almost unable to type. I’m glad to take any opportunity to rewatch it, so thanks, TNA, for making me remember one of the few times you played something perfectly.

Best: Joseph Park sighting

He studied all of that tape of wrestling matches, but none of opening doors. Hee!

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