Hello again, my darlingest Ham Sandwiches! I hope you all had a wonderful New Year’s Eve. I personally spent it loudly replacing Auld Lang Syne with Boys on the Docks, and watching a very large bearded man wrestle a smaller, skinny punk kid in the snow. It was like watching Jebediah Park vs. Jeff Hardy in the match no one asked for. In other news…
• I will be attending SMASH Wrestling’s event Any Given Sunday on … Sunday. If any of you cool cats in the GTA want to come see Johnny Gargano, 3.0, Gregory Iron, and what commenters look like in person, you should head on out! I make no promises as to whether or not I will be dressed like Bully Ray, doing bad Al Pacino impressions, or telling everyone to throw their money at Gargano’s merch.
• Gifs this week have been provided by the lovely Casey/THESTINGER. He is the best person, and I am consistently jealous of his boogie.
• As always, I can be found on twitter here, With Leather keeps it tight here, and UPROXX operates their twitter machine here. By all means, like us on Facebook, and share us on the sharing stuffs, especially Reddit. Stop by, say hello, and tell us what you like or dislike about what we’re doing. I have it on good authority that the person who operates my twitter account likes hearing what you think, and is also really into Johnny Gargano.
This week on Impact: Christopher Daniels makes me think deep thoughts, D.O.C. jobs to a chain lock, and TNA makes me stretch my creative writing muscles to the point of a near hernia.
Worst: Formalwear, how do you do it?
I’m constantly fascinated (read: confused) by how wrestlers approach situations where they’re expected to be on television but don’t have to wrestle. Some wrestlers had great, iconic looks that you could come to expect no matter the occasion – Million Dollar Man and his tuxedo/halter top combo, Sabu in his Chippendale dancer Aladdin pants, Hulk Hogan and his shirts operating in a constant fear of being torn asunder.
The ever so prestigious Wrestler of the Year award was greeted by three different looks. Bully Ray took the “I could be in a match at any time but I’m not wrestling tonight so this makes very little sense” approach, choosing to go with a holdsteady favourite instead of cribbing his style from infomercials. James Storm is in his best Randy Orton formal wear, which makes a little more sense seeing that he later challenges for a match. I will also forgive him for his lack of pants, because if I walked around drinking that much beer I would probably want to be as comfortable as possible, and I don’t think Storm owns a pair of comfy jammie pants with happy little penguins all over them. If he does, TNA has seriously dropped the ball.
The good news in all of this is that while you may not be able to look as heel-chic as Roode and Aries, for only $59.99, you too can look like you wandered out of your meth lab to accept your major award.
And you can be really, really happy about it.
Best: So, are you guys like, best friends now, or what?