The Minnesota Twins always have great commercials, but they’ve outdone themselves by adhering to one simple rule: dressing Jim Thome up as things = comedy. To advertise their series with the Tampa Bay Rays, the Twins dressed Thome as Paul Bunyan to express how much Jim is getting into the “Minnesota thing.” This is one of those times, like when Barry Bonds dressed up like Paula Abdul, that a Dugout pretty much has to be a transcript of what actually happened. Because come on, how do you make that funnier?

The video of said commercial is included after the jump, and make sure you watch it before reading today’s Dugout. Or watch and read at the same time, as they’re more or less the same thing. Tomorrow: Manny Ramirez starts traveling around the country planting seeds.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Twins Territory Chatroom!
	Online Host Deep in Twins Territory, there’s a legendary story. Of a man with an ox in the batter’s box; He hit one to Missouri!

	CuddyerMak’er: /does spit take
	WordUpThome: CUTTY JOE HOW IS IT GOING
	Babe: wehhhhhhhh
	LawnMauer: Jim.
	CuddyerMak’er: Jim.
	WordUpThome: JI
	WordUpThome: JIM /manwalks down hallway
	LawnMauer: Thome’s really taken to this Minnesota thing, aeh?
	CuddyerMak’er: You bet’cha!
	CuddyerMak’er: Wait, that was Jim Thome? I thought it was Carl Pavano.
	LawnMauer: I thought it was a French rapist.
	CuddyerMak’er: I was wondering what Al Borland from the hit TV program "Home Improvement" was doing in our hallway, I mean that’s why I spit
	LawnMauer: I thought it was a guy from France who was going to try to rape the hell out of me
	WordUpThome: SORRY GUYS I ALMOST OX’D OUT OF THE CLUBBED HOUSE WITHOUT REGALING YOU WITH THE STORY OF PAULED BUNYAN
	WordUpThome: DO YOU REALIZE THAT WHEN PAUL BUNYAN WAS BIRTHED IT REQUIRED FIVE STORKS WHAT TO DELIVER HIM HIS WEIGHT NECESSITATED THE USE OF ALMOST SIX BIRDS
	CuddyerMak’er: how many birds would it take to pick up a normal baby? I mean, thinking constructively
	WordUpThome: ONE BIRD ONLY NORMALLY, DON’T YOU KNOW HOW THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM WORKS
	LawnMauer: I do, but please don’t show me
	WordUpThome: WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH THEY PURCHASE A LARGE BIRD, AND
	WordUpThome: OH YOU SAID YOU ALREADY KNOW
	CuddyerMak’er: /drinks water, immediately spits it out
	WordUpThome: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT PAUL FUNYUN YES/NO I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT HIM BEFORE COMING HERE TODAY
	WordUpThome: FOR EXAMPLE ARE YOU AWARES THAT PAUL BUNYAN WAS THIRTY ODD FOOT OF TALL AND ATE A SELECTION OF LOGS FOR BREAKFAST
	LawnMauer: those things are humanly impossible
	WordUpThome: WERE YOU AWARE THAT THIS OX IS INCREDIBLY LARGE
	Babe: hortt
	WordUpThome: IT TAKES A MURDER OF CROWS ALL DAY TO FLY FROM ONE END OF HIM TO THE OTHER
	CuddyerMak’er: are you sure, because he looks like he’s maybe five feet long?
	WordUpThome: THE CROWS HAVE BEEN MURDERED HOW WELL DO YOU EXPECT THEM TO FLY
	WordUpThome: WERE YOU AWARE THAT PAUL BUNYAN TAMED THE WHISTLING RIVER
	WordUpThome: WERE YOU AWARE THAT HE BEAT THE STEAM SHOVEL
	WordUpThome: WERE YOU AWARE THAT HE FREED THE SLAVES
	LawnMauer: I’m not sure that’s true, Jim.
	WordUpThome: PAUL. AND NO, IT IS, DON’T YOU REMEMBER THE UNDERGROUND RAILED ROAD, IT WAS SPEARHEADED BY MR. PAUL BUNYAN
	WordUpThome: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE
	LawnMauer: no
	CuddyerMak’er: nah I think I’m good.
	WordUpThome: OH OKAY WELL FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CONSULT YOUR LOCAL LIED-BRARY /drags ox down hallway
	CuddyerMak’er: so, uh, has Jim Thome lost his mind or am I on a ton of drugs
	LawnMauer: at least you weren’t around when he started claiming patents on the cotton gin.
	CuddyerMak’er: Oh well, he’ll be back in Cleveland before the end of the year anyway.
	LawnMauer: yep
	Online Host Meanwhile, down the hallway…
	WordUpThome: ARE YOU DOING ALL-RIGHT BABE
	Babe: blehhh
	WordUpThome: WELL NO I DON’T THINK I LOOK ANYTHING LIKE CARL PAVANO
	WordUpThome: DO YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME THINGS ABOUT PAUL BUNYAN THE LEGENDARY MAN
	DeliveryMan: eeyah which way to the clubhouse?
	WordUpThome: RIGHT DOWN THERE /does batting stance
	DeliveryMan: oh, thanks one time I asked Craig Counsell for directions to the clubhouse and ended up on the roof wandering around in circles
	WordUpThome: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PAUL BUNYAN THE FOLKISH HERO OF LORE
	DeliveryMan: I have time for one Fun Fact and then I have to be going
	WordUpThome: OH, PRESSURE
	WordUpThome: OKAY WELL PAUL BUNYAN DID NOT HAVE A CHIN UNDER HIS BEARD UNDER HIS BEARD WAS A FIST
	DeliveryMan: whoaaaa

The Dugout: AL Central Folklore

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com