The Gnarliest Power Rankings Ever

07.30.10 7 years ago

Get out your knee pads and Neosporin to keep those boo-boos away, it’s an extreme power rankings in honor of this weekend’s X Games festivities.

#1 Motocross babes — Do you know the difference between a 250 cc and a 450 cc hog? If not, these ladies would be more than happy to give you a tutoring session or two. Here’s a gallery of the sport’s most bodacious of babes for, you know, research.

#2 Travis Pastrana — Arguably the baddest man in X Games history, Travis took home the gold medal for Freestyle Moto X after his first two runs, then for kicks, threw down a double backflip on his victory run.

#3 Jake Brown — Skateboard Big Air is by far the most badass sport at the X Games, and Jake Brown is its gold medal winner. The win is even more impressive considering he did this a couple years ago. His runs after the jump.

#4 Nyjah Huston — At 15 years old, Nyjah is the youngest competitor in this year’s street skate field. Hopefully he, or someone else, is able to take down crybaby Ryan Sheckler. “Wahhh my parents got divorced.” WHO CARES? YOU DRIVE A LAMBORGHINI.

#5 Bob Burnquist — Hopefully my favorite skater from the Tony Hawk video games can have a better performance in the Big Air Rail Jam than the Big Air. And for those of you who don’t know what the big Air Rail Jam is, it’s this.

#6 Chad Muska — The former Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater all-star’s not competing at the X Games this year, but who doesn’t love Muska Beatz? Everyone? Sounds about right.

#7 Surfer Babes — Surfing’s no longer a part of X, but surfer babes will always live on in or around my penis.

#8 Rune Glifberg — Everyone’s favorite skating Dane returns to the X Games this year’s Skate Park competition. You can see some of his best hits here.

#9 TIE: Dave Mirra and Matt Hoffman — I can’t really decide who takes the crown for best BMX rider of all time, so I’ll give props to both Dave and Matt instead.

#10 Football Season — I know you hate the X Games, but take solace in knowing that football season, and her hot friend fantasy football season, are coming soon.

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