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SECOND, MORE OFFICIAL UPDATE: Here's the entire goddam thing in all its 400-page glory. Yeesh. I'm gonna need some low-paid beat reporter to sum all this up for me. Most of the names below are complete bunk. But not Roger Clemens. He's the Barry Bonds of pitchers.
OMG OMG OMG!!! The Mitchell Report has been leaked! God, I can taste my own bored cynicism! Ladies and gentlemen, your incomplete list of MLB steroid users!
Brady Anderson, Manny Alexander, Rick Ankiel, Jeff Bagwell, Barry Bonds, Aaron Boone, Rafael Betancourt, Bret Boone, Milton Bradley, David Bell, Dante Bichette, Albert Belle, Paul Byrd, Wil Cordero, Ken Caminiti, Mike Cameron, Ramon Castro, Jose Canseco, Ozzie Canseco, Roger Clemens, Paxton Crawford, Wilson Delgado, Lenny Dykstra, Johnny Damon…
…Carl Everett, Kyle Farnsworth, Ryan Franklin, Troy Glaus, Rich Garces, Jason Grimsley, Juan Gonzalez, Eric Gagne, Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi, Jose Guillen, Jay Gibbons, Juan Gonzalez, Clay Hensley, Jerry Hairston, Felix Heredia, Jr., Darren Holmes, Wally Joyner, Darryl Kile, Matt Lawton, Raul Mondesi, Mark McGwire, Guillermo Mota, Robert Machado, Damian Moss, Abraham Nunez…
…Trot Nixon, Jose Offerman, Andy Pettitte, Mark Prior, Neifi Perez, Rafael Palmiero, Albert Pujols, Brian Roberts, Juan Rincon, John Rocker, Pudge Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Scott Schoenweiss, David Segui, Alex Sanchez, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Tejada, Julian Tavarez, Fernando Tatis, Maurice Vaughn, Jason Varitek, Ismael Valdez, Matt Williams, Kerry Wood.
Pretty much the least surprising list ever. I've been more caught off guard by my own farts.
UPDATE: WNBC changed their story when an MLB official disputed part of it. Whatever, man. I've already got my torch lit and pitchfork sharpened. I'm not gonna disperse the mob now.