The Panthers and Eagles Refused to Win

09.18.06 11 years ago

The Panthers had a 13-6 lead with ten minutes left in the game when punt returner Chris Gamble threw a grounder across the field that the Vikings recovered. It was like watching special ed kids try to reenact the Music City Miracle. The Vikings then scored a TD off a fake field goal, then won in overtime.

The Eagles were winning 24-7 in the fourth quarter when they decided to stop playing football. A Giants fumble became a Giants TD. The Eagles fumbled; the Giants scored. And Eli Manning put together a field goal drive from his own 20 with less than a minute and no timeouts — with the help of Eagle Trent Cole, whose misconduct penalty gave Jay Feely a 35-yard attempt instead of a 50-yarder. The Giants won 30-24 in overtime.

I salute the Panthers and Eagles. It takes real effort to fuck things up so gigantically. I hereby name them inaugural winners of the Matt Millen Award for Extraordinary Incompetence.

The trophy is a bronzed turd painted with the shattered dreams of Lions fans.

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