Model, actress and athlete’s wife Brooklyn Decker was making the promotional rounds for her new film Battleship earlier this week, and she called in to Mason and Remy, a morning show on St. Louis’ 93.7 The Bull. And you would think that it would be pretty simple to come up with some standard cookie cutter questions for Decker – What’s it like being a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model? How do you deal with being a world famous model married to a professional athlete? Is it hard making the transition to acting? Can I have a lock of your hair? – but as Remy proved, it’s really not.
In probably the most awkward interview of a super model this year, Remy asked Decker a series of questions that made no sense, because they were meant for Kate Upton. This clearly does nothing to quash the stereotype that all gorgeous white swimsuit models look alike. But for starters, Decker is 25-years old. Upton is 19. Decker is married and Upton is single. See? Two completely different women.
After the jump, you can listen to the initial interview, as well as Remy’s poetic apology, but I’ve also created the With Leather’s Beginner’s Guide to Not Mixing Up Brooklyn Decker And Kate Upton so that we never have to mention such an egregious error again.
(H/T to the master of Internet sleuthery, SI’s Jimmy Traina)
Here’s the original interview. Prepare to squirm.
And here is Remy’s apology to Decker, which comes in the form of a poem:
Being swimsuit models, both Decker and Upton are no strangers to the beach. However, you can see the differences in their style immediately:
Even if you were following Decker and Upton on the street from a safe distance, you’d have no problem telling them apart. From behind, they’re as different as snowflakes:
Perhaps you’re color blind and you’re worried that you wouldn’t be able to tell Decker and Upton apart in a police lineup. Worry not, even in black and white, they’re easily identifiable:
It’s almost absurd at this point to suggest that these two women could ever be mistaken for each other. But I will not stop until the evidence is overwhelming.
Even when Decker and Upton are on location for their SI Swimsuit Issue shoots with the same photographers, they take over the situations they’re presented with and infuse their own styles and methods.
Maybe you’re not perfect. Maybe you can’t tell attractive women apart from behind. But clearly if they turn to the side just slightly you’ll have no problem.
My father once told me, “Son, if you can’t tell two women apart when they sort of spread their legs in bikinis then you might as well join the clergy.”
What if you’re walking down the street and you suddenly trip and fall, knocking yourself unconscious? As you come to, Decker and Upton are the only people around to make sure you’re okay. Do you really want to look like a moron if all you can see is their underboob and you can’t tell them apart?
I like to think that in the future apocalyptic society, the only way we’ll even be able to tell women apart is by looking at them topless. So I suggest you work on it.
Finally, here’s a GIF of Brooklyn Decker:
And here is one of Kate Upton:
In conclusion, these women are completely different in every way.