(Burnsy here. The other day, me and the fellas were chatting around the UPROXX whiskey fountain, and we decided that Sports Illustrated and Deadspin are on to something. Last week, SI – for no reason other than passing out some cyber ass slaps – launched its list of the 100 sports people that we should be following on Twitter, and Deadspin responded with a more tongue-in-cheek version of people we shouldn’t follow. The problem, though, is that there are people out there who you really should be following that don’t get the credit they deserve, and there are people who really, really suck beyond the obvious guys like Skip Bayless and Jason Whitlock, who both really, really suck.
So we enlisted some friends for this week, and we’re sending out our own Twitter ass slaps. First up, my brother from another mother, Bobby Big Wheel.)
Hey there boners, Bobby Big Wheel here, starting off our week of awesome Twitter lists to counteract the lame-ass Sports Illustrated linkbait crap Darren Rovell ones. Did I use enough adjectives there? Good. Anyway, here are 25 Tweeters that I want to go to Burning Man with.
The main rule of going to Burning Man is that you need someone who you’re willing to spend all day with. Like, some people are fun in small doses but you need to hang around someone you could bro out with when it’s 2 am, you’ve been tripping balls all day, and you’re out of organic pizza rolls. Celebrity Hot Tub fits that bill and he’s never not funny.
McQuade is cool because he’s good at finding stuff like Kathy Lee Gifford drunk on the Today Show or weird local news stories. At Burning Man he’d be the one finding a 300-pound hippie getting eaten out by a homeless dude.
You need a fat sarcastic guy around to keep you sane. Normally Burnsy fills that role for me but Jerkstoremike would do a killer job of that as well after a week in the desert.
The Captain’s watched a lot of James Bond movies so I figure he’d be good at constructing a badass tent and seducing women to come by it.
Petchesky has a neck tattoo so I imagine he’d do a good job of scoring psychotropics. A dealer would look at him and realize he can’t rip him off with bad stuff.