These Morning Links Will Eat Your Children

Links

Steve-O Breaks His Nose On Mike Tyson’s Fist – Any time I get confused about why people are so weird and confrontational about vegans, I remember that Steve-O AND Mike Tyson are vegan. Thanks for giving the haters a good reason, guys. [FARK]

David D.’s 25 Favorite Wrestling Matches Of All Time – If I’d known this could be an UPROXX feature I would’ve been doing one a day since I got hired. Totally doing a follow-up to this on Monday, if I can figure out how to get rid of all the Chris Benoit matches. [Smoking Section]

Eight Chapters in the Origin Story of Brad Pitt – Movieball is in theaters today, were you aware? [Moviefone]

The UPROXX Guide To Television’s 20 Most Lethal Show Killers – Summer Glau didn’t kill “Firefly”, Nathan Fillion’s accent did. It’s why I didn’t watch the show until earlier this year. Buffy season 7 was that bad. (p.s. Firefly is f**king great) [UPROXX]

Graphic Designer Dad Gives His Daughter An Ewok Adventure – Mean Girls-style Cool Moms are the worst, but This-style Cool Dads are the best. [Gamma Squad]

ABC to Make Nicholas Sparks Romance Porn – I’m glad they at least waited until Peter Falk was dead to make a sh*tty TV adaptation of Wings Of Desire. Can’t wait for werewolves to show up. [Warming Glow]

Abduction is getting Bucky Larson’d – In a better world, “Bucky Larson” will continue to be a verb describing a unanimous hatred of something. [Film Drunk]

The 10 Definitive Ron Swanson GIFs – I can’t tell you how happy I am that this show is back on TV. And why did Rob Lowe decide to grow his hair like mine? My hair looks terrible. [UPROXX]

18 Products Just As “Offensive” As Schweddy Balls Ice Cream – I haven’t clicked this yet, but I hope “Nut-N-Honey” made the list. [Buzzfeed]

Katie Holmes is the Slutty Pumpkin on ‘How I Met Your Mother’ – Does anything ever actually happen on this show? In my mind it’s just people walking onto bar or living room sets repeatedly while a studio audience laughs. [AOL TV]

Great Cast! Terrible Movie! 10 Awful Movies Despite the Awesome Talent Involved – Slackers, I’m looking in your direction. A movie with Max from Rushmore, Jason Segel, Big Pete from Pete and Pete and a James King/Laura Prepon lesbian kiss and somehow it’s still the biggest piece of sh*t I’ve ever seen. [Pajiba]

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