While the entirety of the mainstream media began releasing Best Of lists in the first week of December, I wanted to wait as long as I possibly could to create my own, because of, you know, all of the games that take place throughout December. But who cares about college football anyway, right? Screw the bowl games and their rightful observation for prestigious consideration. And I was right to wait, because I originally had UConn’s winning streak in my Top 10 – I was trying to impress a girl – and now? *fart noise* Better luck next 90-game winning streak, Lady Huskies!
We had our fair share of great stories in 2010, those that made us feel good and appreciate the positive nature of competition on the grander scale. But screw all that, right? Our culture loves to witness failure and hoo boy did we have some failure this year! We had so many head-scratchers and stomach punches that there are certain athletes who could get their very own Top 10 lists. But they don’t deserve it. Hell, there are a few guys on the list you’re about to read that I wish we never had to talk about again.
I heartily expect everyone to disagree with my choices and where they rank, and that’s why I love sports and Top 10 lists – they both inspire the most nonsensical arguing outside of politics. As always, please share your thoughts, criticisms and misguided hatred for your parents in the comments.
With that said, here are my Top 10 sports moments of 2010…
First off, the Honorable Mentions… My apologies in advance to soccer, hockey and women, but I’m the average American male, so my list should be pretty obvious. Anywho, half-assed apologies aside, here are your certificates of participation, in no specific order:
The Giants Win! The Giants Win! – The San Francisco Giants won the World Series for the first time since they were the New York Giants. Your move, Chicago Cubs. Seriously, leave Chicago.
Sexy Rexy – Not the New York Jets, just Rex Ryan – the coach, the man, the alleged foot fetishist. He stole the show on Hard Knocks with his G*d-damned snacks, and if Mark Sanchez can channel his early season self, this team could win it all, which would be incredibly entertaining.
Manny Pacquiao Is A Stud – 8 titles in 8 weight classes is a serious career feat. Too bad he and Floyd Mayweather will never shut up and fight.
Urban Meyer Retires Again – Maybe it was health, or maybe it was the realization of no Tebow, no hope. I hear the Denver Broncos are hiring.
Kobe’s Newest Dynasty – The Lakers win again and they top next year’s list without question and with an apology. Too bad he and Phil Jackson can’t get along. Suddenly Ron Artest is a voice of reason.
The Phuture Of The Phillies – Cliff Lee spurned the New York Yankees and the Texas Rangers to pitch again for the Philadelphia Phillies. He joins Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels to make a decent rotation. Just for giggles they should sign a golden retriever for the 5 spot.
Jimmie Johnson Wins Again – Someone won for driving in circles, other people complained.
Who The Hell Is Ines Sainz? – The TV Azteca reporter’s claims that she was sexually harassed at a New York Jets practice were stupid. Mainly because she has a butter face.
Chris Berman Gets A Hollywood Walk Of Fame Star – Someone had to pay $25,000 for it, but hey, who’s counting?
Duke’s Return To Glory – The Blue Devils won a rather uninspiring National Championship, stealing the spotlight from Cinderella Butler. But it still counts.
10. Conference Calls
For the past few years, there was a hypothetical theory brewing that always started with “If Team A decides to go here, and Team B takes Team A’s place, then Team C can move here and then Teams D-ZZZZZ will subsequently realign.” It was the basic NCAA FBS conference realignment domino theory and the possibility never really seemed strong. However, 2010 saw the theory put to work, although not nearly as severely as many pundits had predicted.
First, Colorado decided to play in the Pac-10, and then Nebraska moved to the Big 10, then Utah jumped to the Pac-10, too, and TCU moved to the Big East, and DeVry and ITT accepted their invites to Conference USA. Meanwhile, the University of Phoenix Fightin’ Pajama Girls refused to move up to the FBS because of financial complications, while Hogwarts will remain independent because of its quidditch contract with NBC. I think that’s how it all worked out.
While hardly over (rumors are growing that CUSA and Mountain West may join to form a super conference with the power of dominating weeknight games), the changes have made it clear that the almighty dollar rules the land that is college athletics. The conference realignment also led the Big 10 to change its image as officials revealed a new logo and new division names, Legends and Leaders, much to the head-scratching of everyone. In related news, Sun Belt officials renamed their divisions “Cupcakes” and “Homecoming.”
9. The Downfall of Donovan
Andy Reid and the Philadelphia Eagles had a choice to make – cut ties with Donovan McNabb for the sake of the future or trade Kevin Kolb out of respect for the past. The team’s front office ultimately decided to trade McNabb, the franchise’s QB of the past 11 seasons, but it was the destination that sparked the most controversy – the Washington Redskins. Normally most teams aren’t too inclined to trade their franchise star to a hated rival. But Reid rolled the dice and he sure looked good for it.
McNabb’s first season in Washington could very well be his only. New Redskins coach Mike Shanahan benched McNabb in favor of Rex Grossman for Week 15’s loss to the Cowboys and he basically referred to the game as a test to see if the team is better off moving forward without McNabb. There’s also a little matter of a 5-year extension that McNabb signed with the Skins, but it’s essentially worthless. Washington can release McNabb at any time and pay very little for doing so.
Meanwhile, the Eagles are soaring into the playoffs *punches self in crotch for cookie cutter pun* and McNabb continues to be a punchline for jokes like, “Did you hear the one about the Miami Dolphins overpaying a washed up QB?”