Ever since the E! network allegedly paid for a 20-carat engagement ring and gave it to New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries to give to Kim Kardashian, it’s been a nonstop whirlwind of marriage preparation for the talentless giant ass and the guy she’ll probably leave at the altar. But of course all that preparation will focus on her ass, because why shouldn’t it?
After a recent filming of Project Runway, for which Kardashian was a special guest judge with all of her fashion expertise, host Heidi Klum went for a jog with Kardashian to help her get in wedding shape.
She is set to wed NBA player Kris Humphries later this year and has vowed to ‘slim down’ before the big day.
‘I want to really get in fab shape!’ she has said.
She has been has been hitting regularly, some times managing multiple workouts a day.
Meanwhile, the star went out of her way to prove that her curves are all natural in teh latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. (Daily Mail)
(It’s a banner day for tabloid “journalism” when writers are misspelling “the”. I’m hardly Hunter S. Hemingway, but come on. The British have lost the right to question our academic system for the next 24 hours.)
You know, they say the camera adds 10 pounds, which means that bridesmaid Khloe Kardashian will be wearing something from the Barnum & Bailey collection. As for Kim, a virginal bride should traditionally wear white on her wedding day, which has limited her color selection to “burnt match”.
Anywho, here’s Klum congratulating Kim on a good 4-mile run. Then she slipped a hotel key in her sweater pocket and whispered her room number into her ear. At least that’s how I picture it happening.
But it’s not just about Kim today, we’ve got quite a few nuggets of TWICWBA news…
Linda Hogan Feared For Her Life
Linda Hogan stopped by The Today Show this morning to discuss her new book “Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes” with morning time stud muffin Matt Lauer. In the book, Linda claims that she constantly feared her husband, Hulk Hogan, because of the mood swings he’d experience from mixing prescription pain killers with steroids, or as wrestlers call it – breakfast.
“He did not feel remorse — and to this day he’s never apologized for any of his actions — but that is something that scared me,” she sail (ed. – Come on, copy editors!). “I did not want to be a statistic like Nicole (Brown) Simpson.”
“I was afraid to say anything,” she revealed. “Had I said something, the carpet would have been pulled up from underneath his career. I don’t know what my kids would have done. They were little at the time. It’s scary. It’s a very scary position. You don’t know how far they’re going to go. One fight can escalate and turn into something you don’t want.” (Via)
Nicole Brown Simpson is a bad example because she was killed by random assailants, who were scared off when her ex-husband, O.J. Simpson, just happened to stop by her place. Sure, O.J. could probably tell you how he would have done it, but it’s completely unrelated. Now, Nancy Benoit would have been a much better example.
Tiger’s Mistress Is Doing Great
According to TMZ, Jamie Jungers, one of Tiger Woods’ many, many classy mistresses, is about to become a super huge TV star. Except by “super huge” I mean irrelevant and by “TV star” I mean she’s about to be humiliated by Judge Joe Brown as Jungers’ landlord is suing her for $2,000 that she owes in back rent. Damn, I bet biting the hand that was feeding – and diddling – her in lieu of all those millions she thought she was going to get from book and TV deals still seems like such an awesome idea now.
Meanwhile, Elin Nordegren lives here with piles of Tiger’s money:
The Ice Man Payeth
Retired UFC fighter and current promotion VP Chuck Liddell decided not to show up to the latest court hearing in his child custody battle with his ex-wife Lori Geyer and it turns out that wasn’t a very wise decision. According to TMZ (my soul dies a little each time I write that), Liddell is now required to pay Geyer $6,000 per month in child support, on top of a $2,500 fine for not providing the court with proper financial reports. Yikes.
The custody battle heated up back in April when Geyer accused Liddell of using drugs in the presence of their son, and then again when Geyer’s current husband called the police on Liddell for kidnapping his own son. You know, he may be retired and older, but if Chuck Liddell showed up to my house to kidnap his own son or even my mom, I wouldn’t call the police. Call it cowardice, but I call it appreciating my heartbeat.
Sorry Ladies, Mike Tyson Got Married… Again
Mike Tyson and his wife Lakiha Spicer were married two years ago in a quick, informal private ceremony in Las Vegas, so when 150 of their friends were invited to join them at a spa resort and casino over the weekend, it just seemed like they were celebrating Lakiha’s birthday. Little did they know…
“Guests were told it was a birthday, but then Lakiha announced that something different was happening. She pulled back a curtain to reveal a wedding setup,” a source said.
The ceremony was described as “traditional Muslim,” even though it was in a casino and Islam prohibits gambling. (Via Fox News)
Oh quit being picky, people. Gays can get married in New York now, so Muslims should be able to gamble. And the Amish should be able to watch porn. Either way, I’m glad we now live in a time in which women aren’t afraid to marry Mike Tyson.