The Guinness Book of World Records is promoting the hell out of its upcoming 2012 edition, and rightfully so. Over the past year, people from around the world have gone to ridiculous lengths to achieve immortality, despite the fact that no matter what they do someone will just do it better next year. Either way, people are desperate to achieve fame so they’ll do whatever they can, even if it means sleeping with a Kardashian.
Included in this year’s batch are records like the World’s Largest Cow (sadly not related to the World’s Largest Mom), most balloons inflated by nose, most balloons popped by a dog (unrelated), the longest cucumber, most Twitter followers (to Lady
Attention Gaga up there) and the largest collection of Dr. Who Daleks. You know that guy gets some serious action, too.
But there were too many to show proper respect to today so I picked just a few to shine the spotlight on, mainly because I need all the time I can get for setting the world record for staring at Scarlett Johansson’s leaked cell phone pics. Wish me luck!
The World’s Largest Navajo Taco
The fine people of Gallup, New Mexico may not make this year’s Guinness Book, since their efforts came a little late, but they’ve undoubtedly set a world record, since nobody had ever attempted such a specific effort before. They created the world’s largest Navajo taco, using 65-lbs. of ground beef, 65-lbs. of beans, 50-lbs. of lettuce, 90-lbs. of cheese, 30-lbs. of green chile, and 150 pieces of fry bread.
In future news, the residents of Gallup will soon set the world record for most people blaming the dog.
The World’s Longest Nails
A Las Vegas entertainer, known professionally as The Dutchess (sic), Chris Walton (born and still a girl, just for the sake of clarity) has been growing her nails uncut since she was 18. Now 45, the mother of 6 and grandmother of 3 is the proud record holder of the world’s longest nails.
“It’s kind of like a body part that I was born with, now I don’t know what I would do without them,” the 45-year-old said.
“I’m pretty sure one day I will cut them, but I can’t see it in my head because I’m so used to having them.
“It’s like a leg, I wouldn’t just chop it off so it’s gonna take some thinking.”
Walton’s booger removers measure at 20-feet per hand, but it’s worth pointing out that she only achieved this new fame because of the previous record holder’s tragedy. Lee Redmond, the former record holder for longest nails, lost her 28-feet back scratchers in a car accident 2 years ago. I’m just going to assume the accident occurred because she tried driving.