Tiger Woods has been out of commission since winning the U.S. Open on one leg June. He underwent knee surgery not long after, and has been diligently rehabbing it ever since. And by “rehabbing it” I mean “having unprotected sex with his wife.” Tiger announced that Elin Woods is pregnant again, and the couple expects their second child in late winter.
“Elin is feeling great and we are both thrilled,” Woods said. “While my injury has been disappointing and frustrating, it has allowed me to spend a lot of time watching Sam grow. I can’t begin to tell you how rewarding it is being a dad and spending time with her and Elin.”
Even a Cro-Magnon like myself who barely understands English can read between the lines there. Let me put in some truth-making ellipses:
“While my injury has been … frustrating … I can’t begin to tell you how rewarding it is … spending time with … Elin.”
I think that’s a little closer to the point, but I’d still rather he just came out and said, “Banging my wife kicks ass.”