With Tom Jackson Reportedly Leaving ESPN, Who Should Be His Replacement?

Tom-Jackson-Collage
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After 28 years, NFL analyst Tom Jackson is likely parting ways with ESPN, according to Bob Raissman of the New York Daily News. The news that ESPN could be losing one of its few insightful, likable people can be taken one of two ways:

  1. It’s very sad, as it brings an end to an era that takes some of us back to college, when ESPN’s NFL Primetime show was our primary way of getting fantasy stats.
  2. Whatever crime Jackson committed, spending nearly three decades attached to the hip of Chris Berman shows he has served his time and then some, so being free of this is something we should rejoice.

No matter your feelings, this news is hours old already, so we are long overdue for speculating about Jackson’s replacement. What we need is someone that matches Jackson, an older former player who knows his stuff, is smart, not at all full of himself and would want to work alongside Berman for one year and Trent Dilfer for many years.

Hang on, I’ve got this.

Okay, so replacing Jackson with someone of equal or greater value isn’t possible. Here are five people that could do the job anyway.

Frank Caliendo

Frank Caliendo John Gruden

Pros: He can do a Chris Berman impression, which could potentially speed the departure of Berman from ESPN, as he can finally understand what it’s like to be around him. All the former players would inevitably beat Caliendo senseless on live television by Week 5, which is what the fans deserve.
Cons: The first four weeks.

Mike Carey

Pros: Everyone is trying to land experts that know the game and can interpret the rules, so ESPN could go against the grain by hiring someone that is batting around .150 when it comes to guessing if a play will be overturned by video review. Find the market inefficiency, ESPN.
Cons: After review, I’m starting to feel guilty about the Carey jokes, so maybe we should just let him live his life in private.

Ryan Clark

Pros: Okay, this one is serious. He’s pretty good. He’s on in the middle of the day a lot when I’m either home or at the gym de-fattening on the treadmill, and he’s got a lot of smart things to say. Plus, he taunted Tom Brady that one time, and people love that.
Cons: If we agree that we like Clark, why do we want to subject him to Dilfer’s tough guy routines every week? Sadly, someone has to bite that bullet and I’d say it’s even money Clark does something to own Dilfer. That’s something we all need to see.

Karl, from the movie Sling Blade

Pros: When Jackson leaves, we are losing at least 100 thoughtful mmm hmms in the process. Sometimes a good mmm hmm is all you need to make your point and the only person that could replace that volume of mmm hmms is Karl.
Cons: Karl is not a real person.

Tom Brady

tom brady
Getty Image

Pros: He knows the ins and outs of what it takes to win, both legally and illegally. It’ll be like the FBI hiring Frank Abagnale after he defrauded banks for all those years. Has good TV hair, even if he had to pay for it. Proved he can handle being on camera for terrible enterprises in Ted 2 and Entourage.
Cons: The Patriots will have to talk Brady into retiring after Jimmy Garoppolo starts the season 4-0 with 1,800 yards and 14 touchdowns.

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