One of my personal tenets about sports is that if a guy ever gets worked up about how a guy looks, he needs to step away from the TV and start looking for online courses in interior design, hair design, or…you get the idea. Discussing an athlete’s looks, for guys, is pointless discourse (notice that I said nothing about women, who will spend the entire 3rd quarter of a game deconstructing Tom Brady’s ass and then scold anyone that watched beach volleyball during the Olympics). That said, Matt Taibbi put together a fun piece over at Men’s Journal about the value of ugly, and its history in American sport. Here’s Taibbi discussing Red Sox slugger Kevin Youkilis:
Then there’s Kevin Youkilis. Youk has only three body parts, all hideously oversized: an enormous set of gnomish, bushy forearms; a massive, casaba melon–size white head; and a cauldronlike belly. He has a truly awesome bristle of thick red chin hair that makes his face look like a cross between a vagina and something out of The Hobbit. At the plate he disgustingly gushes sweat by some means previously unknown to science in which the moisture travels upward along his body, racing in a cascade from his balls and armpits up his neck, over his head, and back down over the bill of his helmet to shower the plate.
That’s an odd bit of journo-porn, but it’s a solid read. Sam Cassell, Alex Ovechkin, and Robert Parrish all get their due. When asked for comment, Sam Cassell simply mumbled into the sky and ordered an intergalactic strike on the planet Earth.