What to watch for in this weekend's biggest match-ups. Home team in ALL CAPS. All times Eastern.
Michael Clarke Duncan over MARK CUBAN — This Suit Is Not Black explains why Cuban's being a coward about Duncan's gentleman's wager.
NASCAR over Global Warming (Sunday, 2:00, FOX) — Is it true that NASCAR uses leaded fuel? Expect glaciers to get a DNF at Bristol.
Matt Schaub over DAVID CARR — "Thanks for getting sacked 249 times behind our worthless line for five years, David. Now pack your bags."
BUTTER over Margarine — Is anyone else bothered by margarine's inexplicable soft "G"?
Suns over KINGS (Sunday, 3:30, ABC) — Why is it still not the Western Conference Finals? Stupid long-ass NBA season.
LEBRON JAMES over Ralph Nader — Nader sent James a letter asking him to wield some influence to improve workers' conditions at Nike factories. Pretty reasonable, I guess, were it not for my unflinching "screw Nader" policy.
White Chicks over TOUGH BLACK DUDES — I was sure black dudes would win this one until I saw this video. Those bitches are hard.
BUD SELIG over Craig Biggio — "Wah wah wah, I can't wear my cancer pin, boo hoo hoo." Dude, it looked stupid.
Have a great weekend, all. Be sure to stop by and say hello to Kevin on Saturday and Sunday. He gets so lonely on the weekends. And needy. Seriously, Kev: I need some space. And I can't give you the money for that USC bet. You're gonna have to write your way out of debt. How do you think I started blogging?