What happens when you ask Burnsy to give you the Weekend Picks? You get baseball. Pure, unadulterated baseball. Mixed in with some sexy women, of course. But mainly it’s all about the return from the All-Star break and having to deal with the dreaded boredom of Wednesday, July 14, or as I like to call it – The Day That Sports Dies. No offense to ESPN, but the ESPYs blow and are in no way even an alternative to coed topless heavyweight windsurfing. Go Fightin’ Manboobs!
On to the sexy picks (Winners in bold):
CARDINALS over Dodgers: It’s been a NL Central-centric week here at With Leather, what with the controversy of Joey Votto’s dickishness and Carlos Zambrano’s vacation in Batsh*tsburgh, so why not highlight the best of the NL Central? What’s that? Cincinnati is in first place? Haha, good one, Jay.
ROCKIES over Reds: There, that takes care of that.
After the jump, more picks and the best clips of Seinfeld’s Steinbrenner…
YANKEES over Rays: The Bronx Bombers are gonna get misty tonight at Yankee Stadium. This is their first game since the passing of Bob Sheppard and George Steinbrenner, so expect some fireworks. Not in attendance: Rush Limbaugh or Al Sharpton, who will be arguing over the difference in appearances on Wheaties boxes between white and black athletes.
WHITE SOX over Twins: Nobody can stop Ozzie Guillen right now, not even a mute button.
BLUE JAYS over Orioles: In a battle of nooooooooooooobody caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaares.
MARLINS over Expos: Unless Stephen Strasburg is pitching. Meanwhile, I heard tonight’s fan giveaway is a sense of pride.
And some other stuff…
LOUIS OOSTHUIZEN over the field: Who is this guy who is -12 at the British Open (give or take a few strokes when you read this)? Whoever he is, I hope someone with a pronounceable name wins. Like Donald Tittyboobs.
CHRIS WEBBER over Darko Milicic: C-Webb’s comments about Darko were dead on and it’s ridiculous that anyone even tried to relate them, but it’s more important to point out that David Stern lackey and Minnesota President David Kahn gave Darko money to play basketball. Kahn is 29, by the way. Words can’t relate the levels of anger I’m feeling right now.
ERIN ANDREWS over Kim Kardashian: Erin’s still pissy about the pinhole footage of her epic butt squats, so she’s suing Marriott, even though the hero guy responsible is serving time for it already. She just edges out Kim, who may have gone under the knife, when all she really needed was some fat sucked out. Meanwhile, Khloe is on her third steak of the day.
THE REAL BIG STEIN over Larry David: Larry David made Steinbrenner an icon to people who may not have cared about baseball, but nobody beats the real Steinbrenner dishing out the jokes.