Where, oh where, has the Internet’s foremost authority on “sports” “business” gone? It has been two whole days since Darren Rovell, Grand High Chief of the Self-Appointed Twitter Police and Oracle of Playboy Bunny Attractiveness, has Tweeted, and those who have followed the career and arrogant antics of the man I have lovingly nicknamed Shit Biscuit would know that this is a truly bizarre situation. Did he give up Tweeting for Mini-Lent, a new fake holiday that was created by Nabisco to coincide with the release of Mini Choco-S’more Oreo flavored vodka? Or is his silence a political statement to reflect his 2009 opinion that Boston Marathon winner Meb Keflezighi is not a real American, because the opinion of people who watch running as a sport far outweighs the laws of citizenship in America? (Seriously, he f*cking wrote that.)
Neither. Instead, it appears that Rovell might have received the ol’ Bill Simmons hush from his bosses at ESPN after he made a dumb joke about a fat guy who was sitting courtside at Sunday’s NBA Playoffs Game 1 between the Bulls and Wizards. While Rovell deleted the Tweet, this is the Internet, and Big Cat from Bar Stool Chicago was quick to save a screen grab.
Soon after the outrage started pouring in, and hoo boy did it pour in, Rovell Tweeted an ap… an apo… an apple? No, an apolo… an Apollo moon module? No, damn it, what’s that word that Rovell doesn’t know? Oh yeah, an apology.
And that’s the last we’ve heard from the Biscuit, which probably does help Deadspin’s “source” and the theory that he was internally punished for making fun of that dude. So while Rovell isn’t Tweeting, his fans – just typing that makes me want to vomit – are hosting a debate within his mentions about why it’s so wrong to make fun of a fat dude for taking up two seats at a basketball game, especially when he’s sitting courtside for all the world to see. God knows I’ve said and written worse.
If I can, I’d like to offer my opinion on why it’s wrong for Rovell to say it and not wrong for the average person. It’s because Rovell is such a smarmy, know-it-all prick about every little thing that he says, and he’s such a privileged, arrogant snot wad of a man, that he demands that we accept that he knows better about everything. He should be above the cheap fat dude jokes, especially since he works for a Disney-owned company that holds its employees to a significantly higher standard than the rest of corporate sports America. But more than anything, Rovell just isn’t funny. He has never been funny. He made the decision to be unfunny when he chose to be a pompous butthole of a man who rats out random Twitter users to their bosses because he doesn’t like being made fun of. He has thin-to-no skin when it comes to who he is and what he does, so f*ck Darren Rovell for acting like he’s allowed to make fun of someone else.