While Spring Break may be over, the core values of America’s greatest month-long holiday still exist in YouTube video form. Now, I’m not sure if this is a Spring Break video, per se, since one half of the equation involves my dad’s old flea market buddies, but for the sake of themes and consistency, let’s just assume that it is, since I don’t actually know anything about this video.
Brothers Clete and Roscoe Taterbeans were out huntin’ “Florida Salmon”, AKA fresh river catfish, the other day when they happened upon some college boy city slickers who done lost they way with a broken boat engine. “Y’all stuck?” Clete asked as Roscoe bit the head off his latest catch. Trevor and Carter were nervous about their new acquaintances, but they were also stuck in the middle of a 40-foot deep river, so they didn’t have much of a choice. Plus, as the co-social chairs of Beta Theta Pi, haha, they’ve handled their fair share of strange characters.
Carter flashed his trademarked chipped-tooth grin to the locals, as he cracked his perfect front pearly whites after slipping in a puddle of vomit and landing face first on a urinal in the bathroom at the country bar Sh*tkickers on hip hop night. Clete tossed over a rope before instructing, “Tie that around the front of yer boat and we’ll pull y’all to the docks on our ways in.” Trevor was relieved and offered his thanks in the best way he knew how, offering, “It’s much appreciated, could I perhaps offer you bros some chilled brews?”
Well, I’ll tell ya, Clete and Roscoe weren’t known for turning down a cold beer, not even after the former spent 15 years in state prison for driving a special needs school bus into the side of a bowling alley. “A free beer’s a beer,” their pappy Zane always said before an alligator bit his head off. “Sure, fellers, toss a few brews over,” Clete hollered back.
Unfortunately, right as he said that, Clete noticed the biggest catfish he ever seen! “Hey Roscoe! Look at that there muddy sumbit…” THWACK! The beer hit Clete square in the forehead, and his long history of concussions from wrecks at the figure eight bus races left him momentarily stunned, and he fell face forward into the water.
Where Are They Now: Fortunately, Clete was fine after Roscoe pulled him from the water. Trevor and Carter were relieved as well, and the four friends all enjoyed their cold beers in celebration. That is, until they were all struck and killed when they accidentally crossed into the path of an airboat race. Ironically, it was Zane’s airboat that did them all in.
