New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his wife, eventual billionaire model Gisele Bundchen, just welcomed their second child (Brady’s third) into the world. Joining the two boys that Brady has already fathered is a daughter named Vivian Lake Brady, which is considerably better than Katniss Vanellope. But I’m not here to make child birth announcements for millionaires. I’m here to ask the hard-hitting questions and make people think. That said…
When is Brady going to meet with Jay Cutler about raising their kids to eventually date and get married so they can eventually breed an army of quarterbacks that feature Brady’s strong talents and Cutler’s lack of concern for anything and anyone?
I look forward to the day of their marriage.
Monday Night Football: Houston Texans at New England Patriots – 8:30 PM ET on ESPN
What the hell happened to Houston’s defense? Am I wrong, or did everything start falling apart for the Texans (on defense, obviously) when Wade Phillips started bragging? If I were the coach of an NFL team, I would make my defensive coordinator remove his tongue like Otto Delaney in the season finale of Sons of Anarchy last week.
WWE Raw – 8 PM ET on USA
I’ve decided that if I could be a pro wrestler, my name would be The Architect and my finishing move would be the T Square, and my submission move would be the Blueprint. Then once I eventually win the WWE championship belt, I would change my name to City Planner. Clearly, I watch way too much Seinfeld.
NBA: Detroit Pistons at Philadelphia 76ers – 1 PM ET on NBA TV
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, no. Zero interest in this game unless I’m guaranteed that Andrew Bynum will throw stuff at Charlie Villanueva all game.
Heisman Trophy Presentation – 9 PM ET on ESPNU
Spoiler Alert: Johnny Manziel wins. I’m glad he won, too. The Heisman Trophy was a joke this year regardless of who won. The moment that Marcus Lattimore’s knee exploded, the NCAA should have just been like, “Heisman? What Heisman?” and then yelled, “Hey, look over there!” and flown away in a blimp.
Melissa Clarke agrees with me.