With Leather’s Watch This: Lo Thine Fantasy Gods, We Beckon Ye For Peyton Manning

Senior Writer

Earlier this week, in the Fantasy Football Support Group post, I broke down the strange, new curse that is the Thursday Night Football QB conundrum. Basically, with very few exceptions, quarterbacks – and a lot of stars in general – have been terrible on the NFL Network this season. As I finished writing that, something horrifying dawned on me – I have Peyton Manning on Thursday night this week in the first round of my main fantasy football league. F*********************ck me.

Even worse, I’m playing against Demaryius Thomas while I have Eric Decker. And I know that none of you care, but I’m FREAKING OUT, damn it. What’s that? I should just not play fantasy football, you say? Who let the devil comment on this website, anyway?

Thursday Night Football: Denver Broncos at Oakland Raiders – 8:20 PM ET on NFL Network

I promise, if Peyton Manning gives me a strong game and limits his success to Thomas, I will buy a Papa John’s pizza this week. I will hate myself for it, because I have a god-like physical perfection to maintain, but I’m willing to sacrifice a few extra hours in the gym for bragging rights among friends.

NBA: New York Knicks at Miami Heat – 8 PM ET on TNT

I would both pee and poop my pants from laughter in the Knicks gave Carmelo Anthony and Tyson Chandler the night off. How much would David Stern fine them? $500,000? A million? He’d lose his sh*t and it would be hilarious.

NBA: Dallas Mavericks at Phoenix Suns – 10:30 PM ET on TNT

Ugh, who the hell picked this game? Stern should be fined $250,000 for making us watch this crap.

NCAA Basketball: Long Beach State at No. 4 Syracuse – 8 PM ET on ESPN2

I may just watch this game instead of TNF to save myself the horror and heart attack.

I know what will calm me down… let’s see what those Miss Bum Bum Brazil contestants are up to again.

Author Profile Picture
Ashley Burns has written about movies, TV, and sports for UPROXX since the site's first day.

Around The Web