I have been told that there is a strange underground movement in this country, and especially in the collective igloo villages beyond America’s northern border, for a barbaric competitive effort that involves men trying desperately to avoid falling through ice into freezing water by distracting the other men with a small black circle that is made of tobacco and bacon. They call it… hockey. At least that’s how it was described to me by the homeless meth head outside of Starbucks when I just paid him a dollar to flash a bus.
I plan on having my comprehensive NHL lockout-shortened season preview up by the end of this week, once I’ve finished looking over the league’s 4-day schedule that leads into a one-game Stanley Cup Finals. That’s what happens, right? My meth head was hit by the bus, so he didn’t get to finish.
NHL: Philadelphia Flyers at New Jersey Devils – 7:30 PM on NBC Sports
I was really starting to worry about the NBC Sports network’s chances with no NHL games to help its ratings, but now it finally has its driving force back to help increase the number of people who want to watch Mike Florio talk to Peter King about the scents of their farts in different seasons to at least 12.
NCAA Basketball: Michigan State at Wisconsin – 7 PM ET on ESPN
NCAA Basketball: South Carolina at Missouri – 7 PM ET on ESPNU
NCAA Basketball: Kentucky at Alabama – 9 PM ET on ESPN
It’s ridiculous, I love college basketball and I have just been the worst fan in the history of the world this season, because I can’t free up five minutes to sit down, read up on what’s going on and catch up on the names and teams I need to know, so I can then pretend like I’ve been following all along and talk to people like they’re idiots when I say things like, “The other teams are just proving that Duke actually belongs in the top spot”.
Of course, I could also cut back on trying to think of a really hilarious mock bracket that we can do that people will complain about. Wait a sec… The Best Complaints About This Tournament Tournament. I think I’m onto something here.
The Ultimate Fighter: Team Jones vs. Team Sonnen – 8 PM ET on FX
I’m not sure what I want to do for TUF 17 just yet. Recaps wouldn’t be much fun since I’m going to assume that our MMA audience will be watching. So we’ll probably start a weekly live discussion next week. I’d really like to have an outlet to make fun of Spencer Pratt’s old trainer. (As long as he doesn’t find out.)