I don't want to alarm anyone living in or around the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area, but– RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! A BIG FAT LADY WANTS TO STEAL YOUR STEELERS JERSEYS!
A white woman, described as about 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighing between 180 and 200 pounds, was first observed July 2 on security video at the JCPenney store at the mall in Hempfield. The camera caught her placing almost two dozen game jerseys in a large bag and leaving the store without paying, according to state police at Greensburg.
The stolen jerseys were valued at $1,650.
Police said the incident was captured on video and remains under investigation. Here's to hoping that surveillance camera was shot in widescreen. -Skeet Skeet Skeet
(Thanks to Winning The Turnover Battle for helping me become a better human being.)