Last night, it was like Twitter had a stroke.
- Geek & Sci-Fi
Good morning from Arlington, Texas, home of the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Rangers, neither of whom I am here to see.
Perhaps I was a bit too bold a few weeks ago, declaring the NBA season dead, because as I had pointed out on quite a few occasions, the players were going to eventually become desperate enough to take whatever they could get.
I suppose that if you're a once-dominant NBA center and the face of an entire nation's athletic ambitions, you're probably going to want to branch out when that basketball career is cut short by nagging injuries.
The other day I was at Publix, purchasing my daily requirements of condoms and bacon when I saw the latest tabloid rags bagging on the Kardashian Klan for what we all knew was the fakest marriage since Liza Minelli and David Guest.
Ron Artest, AKA Metta World Peace, is by all accounts - and I’m using a technical medical term here - out of his f*cking mind.
I’m a little late to the party on this one, but since I’ve been mostly ignoring NBA news lately, I skipped over <a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/drake-working-with-stevie-wonder-was-flattering-and-very-surreal-20111117#ixzz1eRk9LIcP">an interview that Rolling Stone published</a> with R&B artist or rapper Drake last week.
I have to apologize, I swear that I didn’t have my Google news alerts set to “Obama” today, but I just can’t help when the President gets caught up in the day’s top stories.
Last month, when the city of Memphis was rumored to be <a href="http://www.bizjournals.com/nashville/morning_call/2011/10/memphis-to-consider-lawsuit-against-nba.html">considering a lawsuit against the NBA</a> for lost revenue from the lockout, I took a drag from my ivory tobacco pipe, lowered my bifocals and asked my butler, “Shouldn’t Orlando be the first city to go after the NBA because of that whole All-Star Game thing.
Yesterday, <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203503204577037191361709780.html?mod=asia_home">the Wall Street Journal examined the NBA lockout</a> from the “well, what the hell are they gonna do without jobs and money.
Last week, NBA commissioner David Stern said that the owners were making their final offer to the players before they would really begin to turn the knife on them.
David Stern was on ESPN to discuss the latest on his league’s embarrassing lockout earlier this week, and while I don’t remember what he said verbatim, I can basically paraphrase it: “The owners have been so fair and generous in demanding that the players come down from the 57% of basketball related income in the last CBA to a 50-50 split now.
The NFL lockout lasted 132 days, affected a few weeks of preseason play, but ultimately did very little damage to the league's public perception and to the fans' willingness to spend millions to watch their favorite sport.
On a day when sports news is dominated by child molestation, I'd like to lighten the mood a little by presenting two sports guys who can't stop calling people names on the Internet.
When it comes to sports “writers” I’m pretty bipolar over Jason Whitlock.
Instead of attending what should have been the Orlando Magic’s season opener last night, I laid on the couch and caught up on my DVR and then watched the new "South Park" (I thought it was pretty bad until Polly Prissypants pooped herself, which totally saved it).
We like to joke around a lot about how pathetic and obviously fake the marriage between eventual NBA free agent Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian was, but the humor goes a long way to cover up the same anger and contempt that we all share for the way these fake celebrities manipulate this country’s TV zombie audience, how it led to a colossal payday for the Kardashian Klan, and how Kim has the last laugh after only 72 days of marriage.
Speculation has been running rampant on sites where "Lindsay Lohan has gross teeth" is news for weeks, and it's about to become official: Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian are divorcing.
The Colbert Report Get More: <a href='http://www.colbertnation.com/full-episodes/'>Colbert Report Full Episodes</a>,<a href='http://www.indecisionforever.com/'>Political Humor & Satire Blog</a>,<a href='http://www.colbertnation.com/video'>Video Archive</a> We don't cover clips from 'The Colbert Report' <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tag/colbert-report/">as much as our friends at UPROXX</a>, but last night's sports-rich segment, starting with the NFL fining Troy Polamalu for concussion-dialing his wife on the sideline and ending with Colbert's second pro-NBA-owner Colbert Super PAC ad (with Mark Cuban's face superimposed on the American flag), was glorious and needs to be shared.
For the first time since the NBA lockout began on July 1, it actually seems like we’re going to have a season.