These Boots Were Made For Science

Did you enjoy the dulcet tones of J.K. Simmons as Aperture Science CEO and founder Cave Johnson, informing you about (specifically, this season’s hottest Long Fall Boots which are just to die for) in the fourth “investment opportunity” trailer for Portal 2.

As a bonus, the ad also contains some funny small print about the portal gun, which apparently contains a blue/orange dye reservoir (so that’s how that works), miniature surplus German stick grenades, a miniature black hole (with accompanying miniature black hole cooling fan, which is nice), and an event horizon estimation wheel so you can libera tutemet ex inferis.  This small print may also prove useful:

Note: the sudden absence of a steady whirring sound may indicate a Miniature Black Hole Cooling Fan Battery failure. Quickly disassemble the Ring Singularity Harness, pry apart the upper and lower Ring Singularity Rings, and gently remove the Event Horizon Estimation Wheel. Then, while running directly away from the device, use the Wheel to precisely determine an estimated minimum safe stopping distance. [transcribed by brog]

Good to know.  We’re done here.

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/wX9Sc88qreg?fs=1&hl=en_US

[Make those checks out to “CASH”, RockPaperShotgun]

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