#TRAILERS

Katherine Heigl Releases Two New Al Qaeda Recruitment Videos

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After the jump, you can watch the new trailer for New Year's Eve, a sh*tty collection of half-assed clichés full of pretty people and happy music because Hollywood thinks you're stupid.

#TRAILERS

Al-Qaeda’s Latest Recruitment Tape Stars Katherine Heigl and Jon Bon Jovi

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<a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/07/al-qaedas-latest-recruitment-tape-stars-katherine-heigl-and-jon-bon-jovi#more-49386"> New Year's Eve is New Line/Warner Bros' latest attempt to capitalize on the throw-10-trite-premises-at-the-wall-and-call-it-a-day formula of Valentine's Day, which itself was basically Love Actually with more vignettes and famouser actors. Directed by the hollowed-out husk of Garry Marshall, it stars a who's who of bland white jagoffs who make me want to kill myself, including Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Jon Bon Jovi, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, that chick from Glee, and a billion other people including a cameo by Ryan Seacrest, in what appears to be an earnest attempt to create cinematic ipecac. A vom-com, say. My God, if I could kick a movie in the stomach... You can watch the just-released trailer below, if you dare. The horror, the horror... There's an earnest, clean-shaven idealist who believes in true love! A bearded cynic who hates holidays! A career woman looking for love! A single gal who's made a life checklist with an arbitrary deadline! HOW DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?? Wait a second, where's the precocious child who doles out insightful relationship advice? TOMMY, GET IN HERE! It is my fervent wish that everyone involved with this project have their face ripped off by chimps. Does this film look interesting to you? Congratulations, you are an awful boring yuppie woman and we should NEVER HANG OUT EVER, NOT EVEN AT WINE PARTIES. It must be stopped. [via <a href="http://entertainment.msn.com/video/?g=6be75520-e67d-4fa6-9c27-a7bae1bfd347&icid=MOVIES1&GT1=MOVIES1">MSN</a> who are terrorists].

VALENTINE'S DAY

ASHTON KUTCHER’S AL-QAEDA RECRUITMENT VIDEO BREAKS RECORDS

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(Pictured: The kind of neutered pussy offspring you can expect if you dragged your neutered pussy boyfriend to see Valentine's Day with you.

VALENTINE'S DAY

I HATE YOU STUPID GD YUPPIES SO MUCH

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<a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/ValentinesDay-Kutcher-Myers.jpg"></a>Over the weekend, vacuous sorority girls all over the country dragged their neutered boyfriends along to see what would happen if an issue of Us Weekly and a little-kid-holding-a-rose-bouquet poster had a retarded baby.




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