THIS WEEK IN SPOUSAL ABUSE

You Can’t Write That On FanHouse

| 20 Comments

I spent three and a half years writing Dugouts for AOL FanHouse, and only a few topics were taboo.

#NFL

Haynes Her Way

| 3 Comments

In a situation that calls for both 1,000 and zero jokes, Washington Redskins defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth has been officially charged with misdemeanor sexual abuse for ordering food at a hotel, then paying for it in the grossest possible way.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Inmate-shaming Arizona sheriff finding new ways to shame inmates

Let's face it, if the state of Arizona was a person, it'd be an assh*le -- that old, loud, inbred, racist uncle whose DNA link to you makes you cringe just thinking about it.

#NFL

Dan Snyder Hates Your Support

| 6 Comments

Update: Dan Snyder is maybe not the nicest and coolest guy to ever run a football team.

SOCCER

The Ultimate El-Hadji Diouf Gif Album

| 6 Comments

The Daily Mail recently posed the question: “Is El-Hadji Diouf the most hated man in soccer football.

regis philbin

Regis Philbin Is a Jackass

| 13 Comments

Last week Regis Philbin announced his departure from "Live with Regis and Kelly," a show he's hosted since his co-host was in middle school.

#NFL

Is Aaron Rodgers An Epic A**hole?

| 20 Comments

Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers may have trounced the Atlanta Falcons 48-21 on Saturday, but it’s his pregame behavior that is earning him A**hole of the Week awards from many sites around these here interwebs.

#LeBron James

The Guy With The New LeBron Jersey Speaks Out

| 9 Comments

Video is popping up everywhere of the brazen Miami Heat “fan” who wore his brand new LeBron James jersey to Wednesday night’s Cleveland Indians game at Progressive Field.

#NBA

JAYSON WILLIAMS GOT CUT OFF

| 3 Comments

Hey kiddies, it's time for a riddle.

POLICE BLOTTER

MR. MANNERS ATTACKED WITH GOLF CLUB

| 9 Comments

You ever hold a door open for someone, and they don't say "thank you".

CINEMA

SOMEONE MUST STOP ASHTON KUTCHER

| 13 Comments

Ashton Kutcher is making a football movie called Traded, a soon-to-be huge piece of shit.

WIFE SWAP

THE WORST HUMAN BEING IN AMERICA

| 12 Comments

I don't watch "Wife Swap" because the title describes something that should be way more sexy than the reality of the show, so I missed the recent episode in which the liberal-elite Stephen Fowler of San Francisco traded his life-coach wife for Gayla Long, a well-meaning Missouri simpleton.

joaquin phoenix

AWWWWWK-WARRRRRRRRRRRD

Joaquin Phoenix took his Andy Kaufmanesque "acting and grooming bore me" character to Letterman last night, and poor Dave had to deal with terse, one-word answers and general dickishness throughout the painfully awkward interview.

PETA

PETA WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION

| 25 Comments

PETA literally does nothing all day but send crackpot letters to organizations in the hope that some wire service makes a story about it, and one recent letter was crazy enough to garner the attention which PETA so desperately craves.

#MLB

THE NEW YANKEE STADIUM IS A HUGE WASTE

| 13 Comments

Future home of asshole fans Despite being richer than pharaohs, the Yankees have saddled the city of New York with more than twice as much money as the city agreed to chip in for the new Yankee Stadium.

#MLB

MAJOR LEAGUE EXECS MAJOR LEAGUE A-HOLES

| 10 Comments

Baseball's winter meetings weren't all about blockbuster trades and big-name free agents.

MIAMI DOLPHINS

WAYNE HUIZENGA SEEMS LIKE A COOL GUY

| 22 Comments

Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga has spent the better part of the last two decades screwing over whichever Florida sports teams he could get his hands on, but now he's finally ready to minimize his tightfisted mismanagement by selling most of his share of the team to partial owner John Ross.

#NBA

F–K THIS GUY

| 16 Comments

While I've been directing most of my ire about the Sonics' move to Oklahoma at David Stern and Clay Bennett, Aubrey McClendon (pictured) was the Chesapeake Energy (CHK) CEO/billionaire who was bankrolling the criminal collusion to steal the team from Seattle.

MMA

KIMBO SLICE IS DISAPPOINTING

| 14 Comments

Kimbo Slice had the chance to punch "magician" David Blaine in the stomach during Blaine's TV special last night, and this is an obvious bit of fakery.

#NBA

HEY OKLAHOMA, YOU SUCK

| 13 Comments

Yesterday, the cockholster who moved the Seattle Sonics to the dust bowl unveiled the team's new name, which was leaked six weeks ago, and the team's new logo, which was leaked over the weekend.


Sign Up