SMUG PRICKS

Carmelo Anthony Is ‘Happy’ For Jeremy Lin

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I’m not sure what my favorite part of the Jeremy Lin free agency drama has been.

STRIPPERS

Making Sense Of This Jeremy Lin Ordeal: Exotic Dancer Edition

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Here’s an abridged version of the NBA offseason to date: The lockout changed nothing, owners didn’t learn, nor did they want to learn, because they’re still giving out awful contracts, and they just wanted to make sure they’d get more back from the league so they’d stop losing money.

#NFL

Calvin Johnson Just Got Paid

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The Detroit Lions had suggested that they’d be announcing a new, super huge deal for Calvin Johnson today, and they sure didn’t disappoint.

#NFL

Reunited And It Feels So… OUCH MY FACE!

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When Fox Sports reporter and Bond villain Jay Glazer broke the news yesterday afternoon that the Miami Dolphins had traded receiver Brandon Marshall to the Chicago Bears for two third round draft picks, a few theories hit the Twitters: 1) The Dolphins are run by complete morons.

#NFL

Thank Goodness, More Randy Moss In Our Lives

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After taking a year off because none of the teams that he wanted to play for wanted to sign him, 35-year old wide receiver Randy Moss is back in the NFL thanks to a 1-year contract he signed with the San Francisco 49ers yesterday.

#NFL

Well Played, Chad Lowe

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One of the first of many strange moments in this Peyton Manning free agency saga was actor <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2012/01/this-is-literally-the-worst-news-in-the-history-of-professional-football">Rob Lowe Tweeting that he “was hearing” that Manning would be retiring</a>, presumably due to his 4th neck surgery.

#NFL

Miami Dolphins Fans Have Entered The Song Phase Of Their Peyton Manning Courtship

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With NFL free agency set to begin tomorrow, a lot of people believe that a handful of teams qualify for this equation: Mediocre to average 2011 season + Peyton Manning coming off 4th neck surgery = ZOMG SUPER BOWL.

ORLANDO MAGIC

This Isn’t How Negotiations Should Happen

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The absolute joy of the NBA lockout coming to a close is that we’re back to a non-stop fury of trade and free agent rumors that make absolutely no sense and are almost entirely unsubstantiated.

#MLB

Jon Heyman Is Such A Brave Crusader

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With the Major League Baseball winter meetings under way in Dallas, this surprisingly stagnant free agency period is hopefully about to get a lot more entertaining.

#MLB

We All Owe The Miami Marlins An Apology

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Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria must be having a pretty good laugh right now, because we had mostly assumed that the rumors of his courtship of this offseason’s biggest free agents were a load of fish poop.

#MLB

Time To Freak Out, Cardinals Fans

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For the first time since 2000, the St.

#NFL

The Miami Dolphins Hate Their Fans

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Right before the NFL Lockout lifted, it seemed like the most exciting thing about the shortened and hyper-intensive free agency would be the rush to sign the quality running backs, which were basically DeAngelo Williams and Ahmad Bradshaw.

#NFL

Half of Saints Roster Are Now Free Agents

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As if the humiliation of losing to the Seattle Seahawks (<a href="http://secondstringfullback.com/2011/01/05/could-i-see-the-seahawks-beating-the-saints-yeah/">which I called,</a> by the way) wasn't enough for the Saints, they're now getting punched in the stomach with the realization that 28 of their players will be unrestricted free agents.

#MLB

Cliff Lee Spits On The Yankees, Becomes My New Hero

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One of the biggest fish in MLB free agency was finally reeled in last night; former Texas Rangers pitcher Cliff Lee signed with the Philadelphia Phillies for five years and either $100 million or $120 million, depending on who you're asking.

#NFL

Breaking: Bengals Show Interest In Locker Room Cancer

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Terrell Owens is like that 14-year-old orphan with the juvy record and the generally unpleasant disposition: nobody wants him.

SPORTS

All Eyes On King James

By | 58 Comments

I don't know about you, but I'm so over the NBA's free agency season right now.


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