TOTAL RECALL

Total Recall Trailer Is Really Here

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<a href="http://www.uproxx.com/gammasquad/2012/04/total-recall-2012-trailer/totalrecall-10" rel="attachment wp-att-61790"></a>I couldn't get a non-blurry screencap of Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale fist-fighting, so I hope you'll accept this very tasteful alternative.

TOTAL RECALL

First Footage From Total Recall Needs More Kate Beckinsale

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Len Wiseman and Columbia Pictures have been keeping their Total Recall remake well-shielded from our view.

unnecessary remakes

Total Recall has a synopsis. Still PG-13, still no mention of Mars

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Whenever I post anything about the upcoming Total Recall remake, people react as if Hollywood kidnapped their dog and shaved it, and I admit I don't totally disagree.

#TRAILERS

Al-Qaeda’s Latest Recruitment Tape Stars Katherine Heigl and Jon Bon Jovi

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<a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/07/al-qaedas-latest-recruitment-tape-stars-katherine-heigl-and-jon-bon-jovi#more-49386"> New Year's Eve is New Line/Warner Bros' latest attempt to capitalize on the throw-10-trite-premises-at-the-wall-and-call-it-a-day formula of Valentine's Day, which itself was basically Love Actually with more vignettes and famouser actors. Directed by the hollowed-out husk of Garry Marshall, it stars a who's who of bland white jagoffs who make me want to kill myself, including Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Jon Bon Jovi, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, that chick from Glee, and a billion other people including a cameo by Ryan Seacrest, in what appears to be an earnest attempt to create cinematic ipecac. A vom-com, say. My God, if I could kick a movie in the stomach... You can watch the just-released trailer below, if you dare. The horror, the horror... There's an earnest, clean-shaven idealist who believes in true love! A bearded cynic who hates holidays! A career woman looking for love! A single gal who's made a life checklist with an arbitrary deadline! HOW DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?? Wait a second, where's the precocious child who doles out insightful relationship advice? TOMMY, GET IN HERE! It is my fervent wish that everyone involved with this project have their face ripped off by chimps. Does this film look interesting to you? Congratulations, you are an awful boring yuppie woman and we should NEVER HANG OUT EVER, NOT EVEN AT WINE PARTIES. It must be stopped. [via <a href="http://entertainment.msn.com/video/?g=6be75520-e67d-4fa6-9c27-a7bae1bfd347&icid=MOVIES1&GT1=MOVIES1">MSN</a> who are terrorists].

SCARLETT JOHANSSON

Behind Every Man: A Retrospective Of Derek Jeter’s 3,000 Hits, Women

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My friend barely turned his head in my direction when he muttered, “I know you’re a Cardinals fan, but I thought that maybe you could at least appreciate Jeter’s accomplishment.

TOTAL RECALL

Everybody In The World And Bill Nighy Cast In Total Recall Remake

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They're apparently still going through with the remake of 1990's sci-fi action flick Total Recall, as just about everyone in Hollywood has been added to the cast over the last few days.

#jimmy kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel Makes Sexy, Unfunny Sequel to Sexy, Unfunny Video

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In his post-Oscars show, Jimmy Kimmel aired an <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2011/02/jimmy-kimmel-famous-beautiful-actresses-star-in-unfunny-video" target="_self">informercial spoof for "humpilates,"</a> which was painfully unfunny but notable because it featured actresses like Scarlett Johansson, Minka Kelly, Emily Blunt, and Jessicas Biel and Alba.

#jimmy kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel & Famous Beautiful Actresses Star in Unfunny Video

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I don't know who, exactly, would sit through three-plus hours of the Oscars, then watch the local news, THEN stay tuned for a late-night show on a Sunday night, but anyone who did was treated to a star-studded episode of "Jimmy Kimmel Live.

#Batman

Which Actresses Will Be Unnecessary In The Next Batman Film?

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Is there anything more unimportant or interchangeable in Batman films than Bruce Wayne's/Batman's love interest.

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY

LOL WUT? JAMIE FOXX WRITING LAVERNE & SHIRLEY MOVIE

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Remember when Valentine's Day came out and the stars were goofing about doing a Laverne and Shirley movie with Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner.

Sharlto Copley

A-TEAM MOVIE RELEASES PICTURES OF HANDSOME DUDES

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<a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2010/01/a-team-trailer-in-glorious-non-buttcam">The A-Team movie </a>just released a batch of new pictures from the movie, in case you're one of those people who prefer their photos not projected in rapid sequence to create the illusion of motion.

#TRAILERS

A-TEAM TRAILER IN GLORIOUS NON-BUTTCAM

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(This scene was so extreme Vin Diesel started skysurfing on it.

THE A TEAM

RAMPAGE, JESSICA BIEL ON A-TEAM SET

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The latest from the set of the A-Team movie is this fluff piece from Entertainment Tonight.

THE A TEAM

THE A-TEAM: WHO ARE THEY NOW

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Courtesy of <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/the-new-a-team-cci" target="_blank">Buzzfeed</a> and <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1217409/Pictured-Silver-haired-Liam-Neeson-commands-The-A-Team-new-look-cast-seen-time.html" target="_blank">TheDailyMail</a>, here's a rundown of the cast of Joe Carnahan's A-Team, and a side-by-side comparison of the new and original actors.

#TRAILERS

A SCUBA TANK FILLED WITH FARTS

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The Valentine's Day trailer starts with that new Black Eyed Peas song and quickly transitions to a scene in which Anne Hathaway's character refers to the crazy sex she just had with TOPHER GRACE.

Jessica Biel

JESSICA BIEL STRIPS ON ‘ACCESS HOLLYWOOD’

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When people find out I'm a TV blogger, they'll often ask, "Isn't 'Access Hollywood' the best show on television.

Zack & Miri Make A Porno

2.4 The Cooler

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Tatiana The Fox Removed in favor of Our P.

#TRAILERS

JESSICA BIEL STRIPS, WITH SCREENGRABS

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As you may have <a href="http://www.wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=15911">already seen</a>, here's that trailer for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1032819/">Powder Blue</a>, in which Jessica Biel plays a stripper.

WATCHMEN

WEEKEND LINKS: UMBRELLAS ARE FOR FAGS

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Courtesy of <a href="http://l.yimg.com/img.omg.yahoo.com/omg/us/img/27/61/5811_10362045195.jpg?y=660&x=616&q=75&n=0&sig=q_wYe7VGTl1ogSm4docgBw--" target="_blank">Yahoo</a>, this is the latest Watchmen poster (click to enlarge).


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