THE DUGOUT OPENING DAYS

The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Minnesota Twins

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In "piece of information included in passing that we're contractually obligated to cover" news: [Minnesota Twins star Justin] Morneau has been taking infield before every game, and said he also expects to be play some first base before that series in Milwaukee.

UNREAL ESTATE

For Just $20 Million, You Can Own Your Favorite Baseball Player’s House

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Here’s a fun little factoid for you crazy sports fans out there: athletes tend to buy really expensive houses.

THE DUGOUT

The Dugout: Nobody is Upset

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If real life carried hashtags, there would be a big <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/boston/mlb/news/story?id=6643963">#whitepeopleproblems</a> at the end of every story about David Ortiz flipping his bat after a home run and pissing off the Yankees.

POLICE BLOTTER

CRAIG SAGER GOT ALL WET

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We hold these truths about Craig Sager to be self-evident: (1) he is <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/?p=6606" target="_self">far cooler</a> than any sideline reporter on the planet, and (2) zoo animals need to be sedated if they see his wardrobe.

MLB

CELEBRATIONS ARE GAY

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AL -- The Red Sox clinched a playoff berth by <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=280923102" target="_blank">beating Cliff Lee and the Indians 5-4</a>.

MLB

THE RED SOX MAKE THINGS UNFUNNY

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Bloggers are losing their shit today over this video of Jonathan Papelbon in drag and performing the climactic scene in Dirty Dancing.

LESSONS IN CHILD SPORTSMANSHIP

COCO CRISP HAS FUNNY NAME, FIGHTING STYLE

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Paul Pierce wasn't the only one in Boston with a flair for the dramatic yesterday, evidenced when the Rays' James Shields plunked Coco Crisp in retaliation for a late slide the Red Sox outfielder made going into second the other day, which was in response to some other link in the daisy chain of baseball chippiness no one cares about.

PARALYMPICS

WHO SHALL BE LORD OF THE DANCE?

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Thanks to the very lovely Texas Gal at </a> </a>.

MLB

JONATHAN PAPELBON IS WICKED SMAHT

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Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon always comes across as a 15-year-old goof-off trapped in the body of a big league pitcher, so I guess it's no surprise that he can't read two sentences in Spanish without fucking up and channeling Chris Farley.

MLB

JONATHAN PAPELBON IS COOL, PANTSLESS

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By popular demand, here's the video of Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon dancing in his underwear as the Red Sox celebrated their AL East pennant, complete with what I believe is Dolby Digital Sound.

SAN DIEGO TOREROS

PAPELBON AND ELI WENT DUCK HUNTING

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I always think of Jonathan Papelbon as <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout4-29-06.htm" target="_blank">some XBox-playing child</a>, so it's weird to think of him  operating a firearm and going hunting.


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