TRUE STORY

‘True Story’ Is A Masturbatory Faux Morality Tale Starring Jonah Hill And James Franco

| 32 Comments

'True Story' wants to judge its own unreliable narrator even while believing everything he says.

Ex Machina

‘Ex Machina’ Is The Erotic Tale Of One Boy’s Affair With A Billionaire MRA’s Sex Robot

| 63 Comments

Alex Garland's wonderful 'Ex Machina' is about the blurry, sexy line between lust and empathy.

roar

‘Roar’ Is Basically An Absurdly Dangerous, $17 Million Cat Video About Killer Lions

| 19 Comments

'Roar' is roughly a cross between the movie the Grizzly Man from 'Grizzly Man' might've made and mom's emails about her cat.

furious 7

‘Furious 7′ Is The Glorious, Proudly Idiotic Masterpiece Michael Bay Has Been Trying To Make His Entire Career

| 101 Comments

'Furious 7' is the gloriously idiotic, jingoism-tinged pro wrestling morality play Michael Bay has been trying to make for his entire career.

Get Hard

‘Get Hard’ Is A Decent Premise In Desperate Need Of A Script

| 40 Comments

Did you guys know "Get Hard" is actually a boner pun? It's true!

INSURGENT

‘Insurgent’ Is A Myers-Briggs Test Gone Rogue

| 25 Comments

Teenagers with guns talk trauma, shoot babies.

FANTASTIC FEST

‘It Follows': A Supernatural STD Takes Michigan In The Year’s Best Horror Film

| 55 Comments

A supernatural STD has taken root amongst the bored teens of suburban Michigan in the year's best horror movie.

LIAM NEESON HOLDING A PISTOL

‘Run All Night’ Is The Perfect Action Film For Sports Talk Radio Fans

| 70 Comments

'Run All Night' is catnip for guys in Welker jerseys who cheered the loudest when Epic Beard Man stuck it to some "thug."

#Reviews

Vince’s Vaughn’s ‘Unfinished Business’ Would Surely Have Been One Of The Most Adequate Comedies Of 1997

| 22 Comments

'Unfinished Business' is like a prostitute who keeps wanting to read you his slam poems.

chappie

‘Chappie’ Is Preposterous, Hilarious, And Just When You Least Expect It, Thoughtful

| 94 Comments

'Chappie' is like a mega-budget take on the Lethal Weapon parodies from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

#Reviews

‘Christian Mingle: The Movie’ Is An Unintentional Parody Of Whiteness

| 84 Comments

This movie is so white it makes a Lands End catalog look like Jet Magazine.

MAPS TO THE STARS

Review: David Cronenberg’s ‘Maps To The Stars’ Successfully Makes Sex, Drugs, And Hollywood Boring

| 23 Comments

David Cronenberg's latest "being rich and famous ain't all it's cracked up to be" entry.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Fifty Shades Of Specialty Arclight Cocktails: A Drunk Review

| 34 Comments

Sarah Sprague drank all the Arclight's specialty 'Fifty Shades' cocktails and then attempted to watch the movie.

KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE

Review: ‘Kingsman’ Is James Bond For People Who Like Constant, Winky References To James Bond

| 122 Comments

'Kingsman: The Secret Service' is a movie that references Bond a lot, but never really outdoes it.

SUNDANCE REVIEWS

Review: ‘The D-Train’ Dynamites The Bromance Comedy

| 46 Comments

One of those rare films that reminds me why I love comedy.

Seventh Son Review

Review: ‘Seventh Son’ Is Seven Times Less Fun Than A Real Movie

| 30 Comments

Definitely makes plans to see this around the first of never ever.

movie reviews

Review: ‘Jupiter Ascending’ Is Like ‘Battlefield Earth’ Without The Excuse Of Scientology

| 149 Comments

Channing Tatum plays an albino space wolf who flies around doing parkour on floating rollerblades.

everly

Review: ‘Everly’ Might Look Like ‘Jane Wick,’ But She’s A Completely Different Killer

| 11 Comments

In 'Everly,' Salma Hayek stars as a prostitute hunted by every killer in the Yakuza, and that's just the tip of the ridiculous iceberg.


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