POLICE BLOTTER

LANCE BRIGGS IS A GENIUS

By | 29 Comments

Remember when Lance Briggs's $350,000 2007 Lamborghini was found <a href="../post.phtml?pk=3727">wrecked on the Edens Expressway</a>.

NFL

DUDE, WHERE'S MY LAMBORGHINI?

By | 23 Comments

Bears linebacker Lance Briggs's $350,000 black Lamborghini roadster was found <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2992847" target="_blank">wrapped around a light pole</a> at 3:15 this morning on the Edens Expressway, and the facts are as follows:The driver of the vehicle was unharmed and left the scene of the accident.

NFL

THE SLUT HAS A NAME

By | 42 Comments

Chris Mottram at <a href="http://misterirrelevant.com/index.php/2007/07/31/urlacher-tit-grab-girl-is-on-rock-of-love/" target="_blank">Mr. Irrelevant</a> combined his skills at masturbating to Internet sluts with his skills at masturbating to reality TV sluts to successfully discern that the pneumatic blonde enjoyed by Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher is none other than Erin from VH1's "Rock of Love.

NFL

BRIAN URLACHER = LORD OF THE DANCE

By | 4 Comments

Brian Urlacher baby momma Tyna Robertson claims she is receiving some <a href="http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/459625,CST-NWS-urlacher08.article" title="Chicago Sun-Times" target="_blank">nasty text messages from the Pro Bowl linebacker</a>:"Go to hell you f------ ----.

POLICE BLOTTER

‘I DUNNO. GUTS. BLACK STUFF. 162 SLIM JIMS.’

By | 31 Comments

As you all surely know, Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson was recently released from a two-month stay in Cook County Jail, and 300-pound athletes can't exactly get by on "a scoop of grits for breakfast, a bologna sandwich for lunch and a chicken leg for dinner.

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS GOES ON THE INTERNET

ADAM ARCHULETA ENJOYED LAS VEGAS

By | 25 Comments

Word on the street is that new Chicago Bears safety Adam Archuleta spent last weekend at the Palms in Las Vegas.

STERIODS

BEARS FAN WILL NOT BE ‘PEYTON MANNING’

By | 3 Comments

After the Super Bowl I did a post about Bears fan / dim-witted rube Scott Wiese, who made a bet that he would <a href="../post.phtml?pk=2069">change his name to Peyton Manning</a> if the Bears lost the Super Bowl.

NFL

TANK JOHNSON IS HEADED TO THE SLAMMER

By | 8 Comments

This story's already been all over the blogosphere, but yesterday the Bears' Tank Johnson was <a href="http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/football/nfl/03/15/bc.fbn.bears.johnson.ap/index.html" target="_blank">sentenced to four months in jail</a>.

NFL

LANCE BRIGGS IS A GINORMOUS DICK

By | 10 Comments

Over the last week or so, I've ignored about a dozen different takes on Lance Briggs's <a href="http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/football/bears/cs-070312bears,1,6111165.story?coll=cs-bears-headlines" target="_blank">ongoing bitchiness towards the Bears</a>, because to me it seemed like just the usual boring offseason rigamarole of player movement in the NFL.

WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?

REX GROSSMAN DID SOMETHING RIGHT

By | 8 Comments

For perhaps the first time ever, I have respect for Rex Grossman.

NEEDS MORE HOT COEDS

QUEEN OF SORROWS – PRAY FOR US

By | 3 Comments

The noxious aroma of whiskey awoke me by curdling my stomach acid.

STRIPPERS

CRAPTACULAR

By | 7 Comments

What a <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/recap?gameId=270204003" target="_blank">terrific game</a>, right.

NEEDS MORE HOT COEDS

INDY’S ANSWER TO THE SUPERFANS

By

I'm pretty sure George Wendt or Chris Farley (moment of silence.

NFL

YOUR GRATUITOUS SARAH SPAIN UPDATE

By | 20 Comments

We all remember Sarah Spain and her attempt to get paid to <a href="../post.phtml?pk=1981" target="_blank">go to the Super Bowl via eBay</a>, yes.

NFL

BEARS FANS ARE HOT, DESPERATE

By | 32 Comments

The Internet can be a pretty small place sometimes.

NFL

NICE POLL, YAHOO! SPORTS

By | 3 Comments

Well, good news for Patriot fans, I guess.

REX GROSSMAN

REX GROSSMAN HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOM

By | 5 Comments

I really feel like it's my patriotic duty to give this video to the world as soon as possible.

TATTOOS

SPORTS TATTOOS: THIS GUY LIKES THE BEARS

By | 6 Comments

This understated fellow, to whom I was introduced by the leggy vixen at <a href="http://thissuitisnotblack.blogspot.com/2007/01/obsessed-much.html" target="_blank">This Suit Is Not Black</a>, is <a href="http://www.biggestbearfan.com/" target="_blank">Glenn Timmerman</a>, the self-proclaimed World's Biggest Bears Fan.


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