Posts Tagged: PEOPLE WITH MUSTACHES SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED

Baseball

Derek Holland’s Mustache Delivered The Weather

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Derek Holland was nothing more than just another Texas Rangers pitcher before he won our hearts during the 2011 World Series with his impression of Will Ferrell's impression of legendary Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Caray.

Baseball

Warning: Do Not Let John Axford Spray On Your Face

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From the criminally under-appreciated <a href="http://12angrymascots.com/">12 Angry Mascots</a> comes the next step in the Brian Wilson-style "turn relief pitchers into hilarious meta characters" thing we tried so desperately to do seven years ago with Cubs/everyone else reliever Kyle Farnsworth.

AS SEEN ON TV

Chris Berman Now Offering Mustache Rides

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This is one of the bigger stories of the day, you know, aside from the fact that the NFL starts tonight and Shakey hitting puberty: ESPN anchor Chris Berman has decided not to shave his upper lip.

HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS

FREE AT LAST! TOM PORRAS CASE DISMISSED

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The long and winding road of Tom Porras came to its inevitable conclusion when the judge <a href="http://www.azcentral.com/community/scottsdale/articles/0227sr-porras0228-ON.html" target="_blank">dismissed the sex-abuse charges</a> against the former teacher and track coach.

HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS

TOM PORRAS IS GOING TO GET OFF

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From time to time I like to provide you, the reader, with updates on the case of <a href="../post.phtml?pk=2891">Tom Porras</a>, the high school track coach who invited one of his athletes, a 17-year-old girl, into his home, fondled her under the pretense of "athletic massage," then ejaculated on her, then told her his semen was massage oil.

MISCELLANY

UNICYCLIST SURPRISINGLY A CHILD MOLESTER

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In today's edition of Ohio or Florida.

HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS

UPDATE ON ‘ATHLETIC MASSAGE’ FONDLER

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You may remember Tom Porras, the former Arena League quarterback and high school track coach.

HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS

‘ATHLETIC MASSAGES’ JUST GOT CREEPY

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Tom Porras, the 49-year-old high school track coach and former Arena Football League quarterback pictured here, probably won't be working any time soon: <a href="http://www.azcentral.com/community/scottsdale/articles/0514sr-coach0515-ON.html" target="_blank">he was fired last week</a> after he invited one of his athletes, a 17-year-old girl, to his home for a private training session.


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