Someone Stole One Of Bryan Cranston’s Final Eight ‘Breaking Bad’ Scripts

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A New Mexico man was arrested for allegedly stealing an iPad and "Breaking Bad" script from Bryan Cranston. The script has not been recovered.


Former NFL Cheerleader, Star Molest Children In Very Different Ways

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Don't like reading horrible stories about former sports celebrities molesting children.


Life Imitates Art, ‘Justified’ Edition: U.S. Marshals Hunt Down Fugitive In Harlan County

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In a very odd case of life imitating "Justified," a fugitive from up north was recently apprehended in Harlan County after over a decade on the run.


A Man Named Bart Simpson Appeared In Front Of A Judge Named Mr. Burns

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Thing that actually happened: A British man named Barton Simpson appeared in front of a judge named Recorder Burns. Bart Simpson. Mr. Burns.


Naked Man Drives Van Into River After A High-Speed Chase, Waves Underwear Over Head

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A man wanted for a Maryland carjacking led police on a high-speed chase and crashed his van into a river. Also, he was naked.


Teacher Etiquette Update: Don’t Smoke Pot Under The Bleachers At A Wrestling Tournament

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On Wendesday, we shared with you the story of a <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2013/02/sorry-high-school-baseball-players-this-is-what-your-internet-girlfriend-really-looks-like" target="_blank">Catholic high school baseball coach who pretended to be a lady on Facebook to get naked pictures of his players</a>.


The Bengals Cheerleader Who Admitted To Sleeping With A High School Student Might Be Getting A Reality Show

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Sarah Jones is a 27-year-old former Bengals cheerleader and teacher who admitted to sleeping with a 17-year-old student in exchange for a sentence that included no jail time and would not require her to register as a sex offender, and then walked hand-in-hand out of the courthouse with the now 18-year-old young man who has since become her boyfriend, which is all another way of saying GUESS WHO'S GETTING A REALITY SHOW?


The Greatest Police Blotter Report Ever


Read about 106-year-old Old Man McGumbus, who took down a Bengal tiger with his belt, in the police blotter section of "Dan's Hamptons."


The Dolphins Don't Think Ochocinco Should've Gotten Fired For Bloodying His Wife In A Condoms Fight

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Ochocinco and Terrell Owens got together at some point during the winter, shotgunned a marathon of 'Necessary Roughness' and decided they could get their shit together and have a Diva Wide Receiver Renaissance.


The Guy Fieri Stolen Lamborghini Story Keeps Getting Better Somehow

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Two days ago, we brought you the news that Guy Fieri's stolen Lamborghini <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2012/05/the-ballad-of-guy-fieris-lamborghini">had been recovered</a> in a storage locker belonging to a 17-year-old high school student who was also suspected of trying to kill two of his classmates by shooting at them from the back of a speeding motorcycle.


Update: Junior Seau Is Dead

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According to a continually updating report from <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2012/05/02/junior-seau-shooting-police/" target="_blank">TMZ.com</a>, former San Diego Chargers linebacker and NFL 1990s All-Decade Team member Junior Seau has been involved in a possible shooting and may be dead.


The Dugout Opening Days '12: Detroit Tigers

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Or, "Dude, yer gettin' arrested for a hate crime".


The Dugout Opening Days '12: Baltimore Orioles

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He's not technically a Baltimore Oriole anymore, but when the O's disassociate themselves from you you're an Oriole until proven otherwise.

The Masters

Police To Masters Thief: 'Sand And Deliver'

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This 40-year old guy was arrested at the Masters on Sunday.


Alistair Overeem Charged With Beating Woman, Possibly Into Retirement

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Breaking news courtesy of <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2012/01/31/alistair-overeem-battery-charged/" target="_blank">TMZ</a>: UFC superstar Alistair Overeem -- the guy who beat Brock Lesnar into retirement -- has been charged with misdemeanor battery for allegedly attacking a woman in a Vegas hotel earlier this month.


That Smith Cray

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Brace yourself for shocking news: a rich, popular 22-year old went out partying and made an irresponsible life decision.

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