ABC

HAHAHA, Look at These Retards

By | 34 Comments

As I <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2010/06/yeah-thatll-work" target="_self">wrote about earlier this week</a>, fans of "FlashForward" gathered in front of ABC Studios to protest the show's cancellation, highlighted by a group "blackout" to honor the basis for the show.

ABC

Yeah, That’ll Work

By | 14 Comments

ABC's canceled "FlashForward" was predicated on a worldwide "blackout" in which everyone lost consciousness for two minutes and 17 seconds.

CBS

Do Not Preempt ‘Criminal Minds’ with News of Life-Threatening Weather

By | 8 Comments

This is an angry message left by a Texas woman -- I presume with her cable provider or local CBS affiliate -- after the season finale of "Criminal Minds" was interrupted by a tornado warning.

ABC

Oh Hell No: an ‘Alias’ Reboot?

By | 16 Comments

UPDATE: Now with new and improved banner image.

Glee

Neil Patrick Harris Is Still the Man

By | 4 Comments

Embedded below is the promo for next week's "Glee" in which Neil Patrick guest stars as Will Schuester's (Matthew Morrison's) nemesis.

LAWSUITS

ATTRACTIVE RETARD SUES ABC

By | 36 Comments

Alicia Guastaferro, an 18-year-old beauty pageant contestant who was featured on ABC's "Wife Swap" with her shallow parents, is suing the network for $100 million.

POLICE BLOTTER

SAUDI ARABIA IS RETARDED

By | 33 Comments

A Lebanese television presenter has been sentenced to death in Saudi Arabia after two different Saudi courts found him guilty of "sorcery.

CHUCK

DAMMIT, NOTHING HERE IS A SPOILER

By | 20 Comments

Dimwitted TV addicts being hypersensitive about so-called spoilers on the Internet is probably the most annoying aspects of blogging about television, and breathless retard <a href="http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2010/02/23/chuck-spoiler-alert-check-out-the-new-trailer/" target="_blank">Michael Ausiello</a> isn't helping by posting this promo for "Chuck" with the headline 'Chuck' spoiler alert: Check out the new trailer.

retards

HEIDI MONTAG IS A HUGE POP STAR

By | 15 Comments

<a href="http://www.uproxx.com/tv/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/montag-before-after.jpg"> Heidi Montag -- or Heidi Pratt, or Heidi Retard-Pratt, I'm not sure which she's going with these days -- followed up the TEN cosmetic surgeries she underwent in November with the wildly successful release of her new album, the appropriately titled Superficial. In fact, the album was downloaded a whopping 658 times in its first week! It's already gone gold! What's that? Oh. I'm being told that "gold" is 500 thousand in sales, not 500. Okay, so it's not platinum, and it's not gold. What about tin? Rusty tin? [Montag] told Entertainment Weekly last week that she went broke making Superficial but thought that "within the first week, we will definitely make our money back." She told EW, "I put every dollar I have into this. I've spent over $1 million, almost $2 million, on this album. It's cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality... The songs will make an impact in pop history." [<a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/heidi-montag-album-sells-less-than-1000-copies-2010201" target="_blank">Us</a>] I want to take joy in her going broke, but that was probably just typical hyperbole lying from this attention-craving oxygen thief.

JERSEY SHORE

JERSEY PROTESTERS FIGHT STEREOTYPES

By | 17 Comments

Rich over at <a href="http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2009/12/a-real-life-jersey-shore-protest.html" target="_blank">fourfour</a> snapped several photos of the most half-assed protest in history outside the Viacom building in New York yesterday.

CRYING STAR WARS LADY

THE WOMAN WHO CRIES AFTER STAR WARS

By | 23 Comments

If these videos are to be believed, this guy's wife cries after every movie and he films her.

MTV

UGH, MORE OF THIS

By | 16 Comments

"The Hills" and "The City" have become increasingly irrelevant -- not that they were ever relevant on any substantive plane in the first place -- but that hasn't stopped MTV from renewing both of the completely fake reality afterbirths.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

WHO FED THESE RETARDS POT BROWNIES?

By | 14 Comments

It's been said many times before, but it's kind of silly to use focus groups and test audiences as a gauge for anything, given the kind of people who are willing to stand outside for a couple hours in the middle of the day on a weekday to see a free screening of something they've never heard of.

Fox

RETARD PATROL BUSY DERETARDING DVDS

By | 23 Comments

Though distributor 20th Century Fox hasn't officially commented, a few reviewers have noticed that even on the "unrated" DVD versions of There's a scene in which two abstinence promoters are trying to frighten kids into never having sex, and they share a story about a teenager who smoked while she was pregnant, causing the baby to come out a "crack head.

ADAM LAMBERT

YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME.

By | 11 Comments

  Holy hyperbole, Puerto Rican Batman.

FIGHT CLUB

GRR, RETARDED FIGHT CLUB!

By | 72 Comments

Seven employees at a Texas imbecile asylum (that's what they're called nowadays, right.

CYCLING

LANCE ARMSTRONG PWNS JACKASS

By | 10 Comments

Lance Armstrong finished seventh overall at the Tour of California (Armstrong's Astana team leader Levi Leipheimer <a href="http://www.amgentourofcalifornia.com/news/press/2009-stage8-results.html" target="_blank">won for the third straight year</a>), but the highlight was the seven-time Tour de France winner shoving this syringe-wielding jackass into a snow bank.

NUT SHOTS

WHERE’S HIS SKATEBOARD?

By | 17 Comments

It's a pretty slow news day in the sports world, so here's a guy intentionally destroying his testicles on a stair railing.


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