#PRO WRESTLING

Leave The Snake Puppet Memories Alone: Santino Marella Has Announced His Retirement

By | 61 Comments

WWE Superstar Santino Marella has ended his in-ring career per an announcement made at a live event on Sunday. Son a ma gun.

RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENTS

Watch David Letterman Announce His Retirement To A Standing Ovation

By | 24 Comments

David Letterman indeed announced his retirement from 'The Late Show' today, and his studio audience gave him a huge round of applause.

RETIREMENTS

Derek Jeter Announces (From Atop A Pile Of Money Surrounded By Many Beautiful Women) That The 2014 Season Will Be His Last

By | 11 Comments

New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter announced via Facebook that the 2014 MLB season would be his last, ending a 20-season career and an amazing tail trail.

#UFC

Jon Bones Jones Announces His Retirement In The Hopes Of Never Becoming Tito Ortiz

By | 12 Comments

UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Bones Jones announced that he'd be done and retired by age 30, citing a desire to never take fights past his prime.

USAIN BOLT

Good News, Everybody Else: Usain Bolt Is Retiring Soon

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Usain Bolt announced that he would be retiring after the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics. Good news, everybody else who runs!

#the rock

Ronda Rousey Doesn’t Care What The ‘Hating Twitter Bitches’ Think About Her Retirement

By | 5 Comments

Last week, current UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion and eventual Spike Guy’s Choice Award winner for “Hottest Ass Kicker We’d Take On A Date To One Of Guy Fieri’s Restaurants Before A Kid Rock Show,” Ronda Rousey, broke a million irrational UFC fans’ hearts when <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2013/08/ronda-rousey-only-has-two-years-left-in-mma-says-ronda-rousey" target="_blank">she admitted that she’ll probably be retired</a> from fighting in two years.

#UFC

Ronda Rousey Only Has Two Years Left In MMA, Says Ronda Rousey

By | 6 Comments

When UFC Women's Bantamweight Champion <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/tag/ronda-rousey" target="_blank">Ronda Rousey</a> retires, we'll have a lot less fun writing about WMMA.

SOCCER

David Beckham Is Doing Something, But I’m Not Sure What

By | 7 Comments

Get your "I thought he already announced his retirement, when he decided to play MLS" jokes ready.

#PARKS AND RECREATION

This Is, Literally, The Worst News In The History Of Professional Football

By | 16 Comments

<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/RobLowe">Rob Lowe</a> has broken the news that Peyton Manning will not return to the NFL.

TENNESSEE TITANS

Randy Moss Has Retired Like Brett Favre

By | 5 Comments

Former Tennessee Titans wide receiver Randy Moss announced via his agent yesterday that after 13 seasons he has retired from the NFL.

UTAH JAZZ

Jerry Sloan Rides off into the Sunset

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Jerry Sloan resigned his position as head coach of the Utah Jazz after 23 seasons and 1,221 wins, Thursday.

#UFC

Chuck Liddell Has Called It Quits

By | 4 Comments

Chuck Liddell told reporters at yesterday's press conference for UFC 125 that he is officially retired from fighting and will be serving as the UFC's new Executive VP of Business Development, which would sound a lot cooler if he were now the VP of Smashing Skulls.

RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENTS

Lou Piniella Taking The East Way Out

By | 8 Comments

Cubs manager Lou Piniella announced yesterday that this season will be his last, as he will retire at the season's end.


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