#MLB

A Queens Strip Club Is Offering Derek Jeter A Lifetime Pass As If He Needs It

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As if he even needs it, Derek Jeter is now welcome at the Show Palace strip club any time he'd like, free of charge.

#PRO WRESTLING

Leave The Snake Puppet Memories Alone: Santino Marella Has Announced His Retirement

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WWE Superstar Santino Marella has ended his in-ring career per an announcement made at a live event on Sunday. Son a ma gun.

TIM DUNCAN

Tim Duncan Revealed To David Letterman Why He’s Sticking Around Another Year

By | 4 Comments

On tonight's 'Late Show,' Tim Duncan tells David Letterman that he still has another good year in him, much to Spurs fans' delight.

Theme Parks

One Of The Walley World Roller Coasters From ‘National Lampoon’s Vacation’ Is Closing

By | 24 Comments

Six Flags Magic Mountain is closing the Colossus roller coaster after 36 years, which included a role in 'National Lampoon's Vacation.'

RETIREMENT

Alex Trebek Discusses Retirement, Plans To Go Out Like Keyser Soze

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Alex Trebek will retire one day. Here's how he plans to do it.

#CONAN

Chelsea Handler Spills The Beans To Conan About Her Impending Retirement And Future Plans

By | 13 Comments

Chelsea Handler stopped by 'Conan' to talk about her escape from the E! Network and her murky future in entertainment.

#jimmy fallon

Jimmy Fallon Honored David Letterman’s Retirement With A Top Ten List Of His Own

By | 4 Comments

Jimmy Fallon took one of David Letterman's legendary bits and used it to honor the retiring late night host.

RETIREMENT ANNOUNCEMENTS

Watch David Letterman Announce His Retirement To A Standing Ovation

By | 24 Comments

David Letterman indeed announced his retirement from 'The Late Show' today, and his studio audience gave him a huge round of applause.

#MLB

Derek Jeter Announces (From Atop A Pile Of Money Surrounded By Many Beautiful Women) That The 2014 Season Will Be His Last

By | 11 Comments

New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter announced via Facebook that the 2014 MLB season would be his last, ending a 20-season career and an amazing tail trail.

#shia labeouf

Shia LaBeouf Announces He’s ‘Retiring From Public Life’ Because Of ‘Attacks On My Artistic Integrity’

By | 67 Comments

Shia Labeouf announces he's retiring from public life "in light of recent attacks on my artistic integrity." Quick, someone hire a skywriter to draw a giant frownie face!

TOM IZZO

You Should Watch Michigan State Coach Tom Izzo’s Tearful Thank You To Retiring Ref Ed Hightower

By | 6 Comments

Michigan State coach Tom Izzo stopped a game with two minutes left to honor retiring referee Ed Hightower, a man who's made him mad for years.

#Justin Bieber

Good News, Everyone! Justin Bieber Has Announced His Retirement Just In Time For Christmas

By | 63 Comments

Justin Bieber has announced his retirement during a radio interview in Los Angeles, officially making this the best Christmas ever.

#NFL

With Leather’s Watch This: Celebrate Roy Halladay’s Career By Watching His Perfect Game

By | 2 Comments

Roy Halladay signed a one-day contract with the Toronto Blue Jays and announced his retirement today, so watch the highlights of his 2010 perfect game.

TIM MCCARVER

Tim McCarver Hasn’t Retired And Might Torture Only Cardinals Fans Now

By | 4 Comments

While he is done calling the World Series for Fox, Tim McCarver reiterated that he has not retired and might join the Cardinals as a broadcaster.

the who

The Who Are Finally Calling It Quits… Two More Years From Now

By | 9 Comments

Pete Townshend told reporters that The Who will have one last big world tour in 2015 as the band celebrates its 50th anniversary.

SAD NEWS

Jack Nicholson reportedly retires from acting due to memory loss

By | 39 Comments

Well this is probably the crappiest non-world politics news you'll read all day.

Tech

Microsoft’s Steve Ballmer Is Retiring. But His Insane, Frothy YouTube Clips Will Live On.

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Steve Ballmer will retire in the next year, and pass the ceremonial tongue onto somebody else.

the lone ranger

Johnny Depp Is The Next Superstar Actor To Claim That He's Retiring

By | 13 Comments

As Johnny Depp is making the media rounds to prepare the United Kingdom <a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2013/07/lone-ranger-190-million-loss-for-disney" target="_blank">for the disappointment</a> of The Lone Ranger, he <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23488712" target="_blank">stopped by BBC Breakfast yesterday</a> for an interview and ended up dropping quite the juicy little nugget on everyone.

ryan gosling

A Ryan Gosling Helpline Has Been Set Up For Fans Who Can’t Handle His Retirement

By | 5 Comments

Feeling down about Ryan Gosling's acting retirement? There's a phone helpline for that.

ryan gosling

Ryan Gosling Is Done With Acting (For Awhile)

By | 12 Comments

This famous Canadian hunk got his first major gig on a well known TV show, before launching a successful film career, including a breakout role in an award-winning movie, and less-remembered musical side project.


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