#PRO WRESTLING

Leave The Snake Puppet Memories Alone: Santino Marella Has Announced His Retirement

By | 61 Comments

WWE Superstar Santino Marella has ended his in-ring career per an announcement made at a live event on Sunday. Son a ma gun.

UNFAIR COMPARISONS

Allow This Drunk Cubs Fan To Explain Why Derek Jeter’s Retirement Is So Special

By | 2 Comments

As the Cubs honored Derek Jeter during his retirement season tour, an especially moved fan put his career into perspective in one Vine.

RETIREMENTS

Derek Jeter Announces (From Atop A Pile Of Money Surrounded By Many Beautiful Women) That The 2014 Season Will Be His Last

By | 11 Comments

New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter announced via Facebook that the 2014 MLB season would be his last, ending a 20-season career and an amazing tail trail.

#UFC

Jon Bones Jones Announces His Retirement In The Hopes Of Never Becoming Tito Ortiz

By | 12 Comments

UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Bones Jones announced that he'd be done and retired by age 30, citing a desire to never take fights past his prime.

#gifs

Jack Nicholson Is Retiring, So Here Are 12 GIFs Of His That Belong In The Movie Hall Of Fame

By | 16 Comments

One of the greatest actors ever, Jack Nicholson, is retiring. Here are 12 of his most immortal GIFs.

SOCCER

David Beckham Is Doing Something, But I’m Not Sure What

By | 7 Comments

Get your "I thought he already announced his retirement, when he decided to play MLS" jokes ready.

U.S. OPEN

RIP Andy Roddick, Heaven Needed Someone To Date Its Brooklyn Decker

By

This is Andy Roddick's on-court interview after his final career match, and it's moving, except for the part where he's sad about anything ever.

WORLD CUP

Roberto Carlos Retires From Soccer, Surprises World That He Was Still Playing

By | 9 Comments

Yesterday, 39-year-old Brazilian soccer legend Roberto Carlos announced his retirement, hanging up the boots on a career that stretched over three decades and three continents.

#PARKS AND RECREATION

This Is, Literally, The Worst News In The History Of Professional Football

By | 16 Comments

<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/RobLowe">Rob Lowe</a> has broken the news that Peyton Manning will not return to the NFL.

WILL HE OR WON'T HE REDUX

Brett Favre To Retire. Again

By | 4 Comments

Minnesota Vikings quarterback (and noted old guy that knows how to use a cell phone.

RETIREMENTS

BRETT FAVRE DIED AGAIN

By | 5 Comments

Crap, I mean he retired again.

RETIREMENTS

PETER KING WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE WEEPING

By | 37 Comments

Brett Favre officially <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news;_ylt=Ak.HMGLwMcZ3tInL2FsYFyc5nYcB?slug=ap-packers-favre&prov=ap&type=lgns">announced his retirement</a> today, and he cried like such a little bitch that you would have thought that he'd been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given six weeks to live.


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