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NBC’s The Cape is 5 episodes into its first season and I can tell none of you have been watching it. I get it, really. You were probably still winding down from the turmoil of Christmas and the New Year when The Cape premiered, and by the time your brain even started putting together the past few days of shame, broken promises and projectile vomit, the regular shows came back on the air. Why would you devote your time to a series about a guy in a magic curtain drape or something, when Bones and House are back and the prequel series to Spartacus has started?
I’ll tell you why: Because The Cape is the greatest thing to ever happen to television right until someone merges Jersey Shore with Man vs. Wild (and maybe Battle Royale). And just like my proposed Jersey Shore vs. Wild crossover, it’s a bloody mess of idiocy that in most situations would cause you to lose all faith in humanity and firebomb a fertility clinic, but because it’s so over the top bad you can’t help but watch the intellectual horror with a stupid grin on your face. The Cape is arguably the stupidest, best show on TV, and if you want to know why, just keep on reading.
The Show Makes No Sense
I don’t think I have to tell you that the following sections will have more spoilers than a car show for douchebags with erectile dysfunction, so consider yourselves warned. Not that it really matters. Watching The Cape for the story is like ordering a 70-year old escort for the meaningful post-boning pillow talk. That’s now what you’re here for. No, you’re here for the mind-boggling awfulness of the whole ordeal.
The Cape tells the story of Vince Faraday, a cop framed for being the city’s biggest criminal mastermind known as Chess. Now presumed dead, Faraday uses the help of a bunch of criminal carnies (no, really) and Summer Glau to fight the real Chess, dressed as a character from his son’s favorite comic book – The Cape. In his quest he uses an indestructible cape and all the skills to wield it in spectacular ways he has learned from the circus criminal troop.
That’s the basic idea behind the show, and I must confess that it got me intrigued enough to check out the first episode. I think I yelled “Bullshit!” like 20 times before the episode was over and was instantly in love with the show due to how little sense it made.
Even if I buy the premise of an entire television series about a “superhero” whose main power can be thwarted by a gust of strong wind (which actually happens in episode 4), Faraday’s cape is still too ridiculous for words. One character describes it as being made entirely from spider silk, omitting the fact that if it was true then the cape would be worth millions of dollars. See, spider silk is such an amazing substance that science has actually started <a href="http://www.physorg.com/news194539934.html" target="_blank">gene-splicing goats with spiders</a> in order to extract spider silk from their milk.