ADAM RIFKIN

A Peeps Movie Is Going To Happen Because Hollywood Is Optioning Candy Now

By | 21 Comments

Adam Rifkin has optioned the Easter candy Peeps for a movie that sounds just like 'The LEGO Movie.'

EVE ONLINE

CCP Games Hires UFC Fighter Gunnar Nelson To Beat Up Its Employees

By | 3 Comments

CCP Games has an unusual idea of "employee motivation," which involves Gunnar Nelson beating the crap out of you.

no

Starbucks Will Soon Start Selling Booze Because It Desperately Wants To Be All Things To All People

By | 15 Comments

It's not enough for Starbucks that you go in in the morning to get coffee. It wants to be your neighborhood bar at night now too.

ANNOUNCERS

Gentlemen, Start Your Ostriches

By | 2 Comments

In America's latest attempt to turn sports into Diddy Kong Racing, here's the sixth annual "Extreme Race Day", a Minnesota area event featuring ostrich heats, racing camels, helium-enhanced horse races and more.

Aramis Sartorio

Chodin Reviews: The Gruesome Death of Tommy Pistol

By | 5 Comments

Sometimes people send me DVDs to review, and I have to call for back-up.

creed

The Marlins At Least Have Some Taste

By

As the Florida Miami Marlins prepare to open their new stadium and begin their new season in their new uniforms with their new shortstop who will hopefully hit a bunch of home runs to light up their <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/STatue.jpg">new home run fish statue/shrine</a>, it was only fitting that the team would add some new flair and style to the stadium as well.

DENVER BRONCOS

NFL.com Finally Answers The Tim Tebow Question Nobody Has Been Asking

By | 15 Comments

I read through a lot of gossip sites and strange, random fan blogs each week, not because I want to actually know anything about the personal lives of fame-starved reality trolls, but because we like to make fun of really stupid stuff that people do.

ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE

Number Of Black Girls In This Video: Zero

By | 11 Comments

In case you missed it during that weird period when a video goes viral and the person who made it gets butthurt and takes it down, then realizes it is their only shot at ironic fame and puts it back up so they can get on Tosh, please enjoy this video of University of Alabama Panhellenic Association Board combining their awful white teen girl powers to form some Godless approximation of musical Voltron.

Football

Shocking: Alex Smith Is Not Joe Montana

By | 10 Comments

Jim Harbaugh has never seemed like a cruel monster, or even slightly mean, for that matter.

Canada

Sacre Bleu! Montreal Wants Baseball Again

By | 12 Comments

According to Roger Brulotte, the former French-language broadcaster for the Montreal Expos, an unidentified investment group has been pestering him for a few years about their desire to bring professional baseball back to Canada's France.

BEN CRANE

Cool News From 12 Years Ago: Somebody Wants a Golfing Boy Band

By | 5 Comments

Hey guys, check it out, I just got a job writing for Cracked magazine.

BOARD GAMES

Don’t Worry, Ouija Has A New Writer

By | 12 Comments

*puts finger tips on Ouija Board planchette* Oh spirits of the deep, dark void.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURES

Here’s Another Terrible Movie Idea

By | 16 Comments

As Hollywood continues to scorch the Earth of our favorite childhood classics, the latest victim is the "Choose Your Own Adventure" book series, which was optioned by Red Crown Productions.

ARIZONA CARDINALS

Kurt Warner Looks Just Like Denzel

By | 4 Comments

The Arizona Cardinals are coping with big changes this preseason, as former first round draft pick Matt Leinart is now the starting quarterback and young receivers like Steve Breaston and Early Doucet are stepping up since Anquan Boldin was traded to the Baltimore Ravens in the offseason.

inferno

Lohan Makes Movie Poster, Not Movie

By | 15 Comments

Lindsay Lohan spent last week traipsing around Cannes, allegedly promoting her next film, Inferno, which is the story of legendary porn actress Linda Lovelace.




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