THE ONION

This New Facebook Feature Scans Your Profile To Pinpoint Exactly When Your Life Went Downhill

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A new Facebook feature lets you know exactly when your life was literally the best it is ever going to be.

ATHLETE SEX

The Onion’s Olympic Village Tour Is A Hilariously NSFW Athlete Hump Fest

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You've gotta hand it to The Onion, when they go all in on the "Olympians do nothing but f*ck each other" concept, they seriously go all in.

9/11

Watch A Subway Employee Accept One Of The Onion’s Fantastic Fake September 11th Coupons

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The Onion published a fake September 11th Subway coupon. But the real Subway accepted it.

Troll Wars

The Onion’s Brilliant Trolling Of CNN Prompts A CNN Editor To Respond

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Satirical publication The Onion published a satirical article but attributed it to CNN.com's very real Meredith Artley. Read what she said in response.

HACKERS

The Onion’s Response To Getting Hacked By Syrian Electronic Army Was Wonderful, Dark

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The Onion's Twitter account was hacked by the Syrian Electronic Army, and their response was as funny as it was dark.

idiots

Your Facebook Friends, Still The Dumbest People On This Planet

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I’m sure there’s other sports stuff going on, like that one legendary basketball player who got hurt or that expensive baseball pitcher who was beat up, but I’m a simple kind of fella and I can’t help but stop and point when I see something that’s reaaaaaaaaally stupid.

Let’s Discuss The Onion’s Quvenzhané Wallis Tweet, Shall We?

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The Onion made a sarcastic joke about 9-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis acting like a c-word, which has people up in arms. But was it really all that shocking?

COREY SULLIVAN

You Can Finally Major in ‘Social Media’, Confuse Your Grandparents At Family Gatherings

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Newberry College in South Carolina will be offering one of the first majors in social media, but we'll always credit The Onion with teaching it best.

#.lol

Chinese Newspaper Congratulates Kim Jong-Un For Being Named The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive

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Someone please do me a solid and put the Abortionplex on China's radar.

The Onion Parodies A TED Talk Brilliantly: 'Why Does The Duck Say Quack?'

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I enjoy a good TED talk on YouTube every once in a while, but they can be pompous and nonsensical. Leave it to The Onion to illustrate this brilliantly.

ESPN

Stephen A. Smith Gets Jokes, You Guys

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For some reason, <a href="http://deadspin.com">Deadspin</a> has targeted Stephen A.

funny

The Onion Weather Center Dumbs It Down For The Deep South

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The Onion Weather Center delivers a "very special" weather report for some "very special" viewers.

funny

Bostonians Asked to Speak Like Normal Human Beings

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The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Northeast, where flood-ridden Bostonians are urged to use actual words when asking relief workers for help.

AMERICA

Sadly, The Onion Nails It Again

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Yesterday the Onion ran a piece titled "Nation Celebrates Full Week Without Deadly Mass Shooting." It has since been updated: "Never Mind."

funny

Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwest

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The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

mitt romney

GOP Trying To Keep Elderly Voting Base Alive

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The Onion: Republicans are reminding seniors to take their blood pressure medication, hoping they won't die before voting on Election Day.

BARACK OBAMA

Obama in New Judd Apatow Comedy

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The Onion: In an attempt to court the youth vote, Barack Obama will star in the full-length Judd Apatow comedy "Commander In Steve" alongside James Franco and Seth Rogan.

#Animals

Robins: The Perfect Murder Machines

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The Onion’s 'Horrifying Planet' series takes a look at the robin.

Politics

Reporters Struggling To Maintain Energy Until Election

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The Onion News Network's Andrea Bennett and Jason Copeland look ahead at the long months remaining before this election is finally over.


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