xmas ape

Vanilla Ice To Perform At Texans’ ‘White Out’ Game


The Houston Texans have a theme for each of its home games this season, including a "homecoming" game later in the year.


Finally, An NC State And Scotty McCreery Cover Of ‘Wagon Wheel’


My father and I have a longstanding, generation-gap-fueled argument about the song 'Wagon Wheel.


John Travolta: Ruining Alcohol (And Brazil) The Same Way He Ruined Christmas


Former Hollywood person-of-note John Travolta makes an appearance in a Brazilian rum commercial, and it is gloriously insane.


Braveheart MMA Is Weird And Exactly What It Sounds Like


Crazy assholes have been trying to organize sports around team MMA for a while now -- see also 'Beercup,' the MMA/soccer hybrid -- but no attempt has been as gloriously perfect and off-center as BRAVEHEART MMA.

white people

Exceedingly White Postal Service Fans Are Confused By Big Freedia Serving As The Band’s Opening Act


New Orleans Bounce queen Big Freedia is opening for the Postal Service on their current tour. White people mass confusion has ensued.

white people

Random Middle-Aged White Lady: Waka Flocka Flame And His Music Changed My Life


What if your mom became a huge fan of Waka Flocka Flame and the Brick Squad Monopoly? IT COULD HAPPEN!

white people

Gwyneth Paltrow Would Like To Sell You A $950 Shot Glass & A $500 Jigger On Her Goop Website


In the need of home bar equipment? Well, Gwyneth Paltrow has everything you need. Just call your bank and raise your credit limit first!


Former Bush Spokeswoman & Fox News Contributor Dana Perino Killed Rap Music Today


Here's extremely white Fox News contributor and former Bush White House spokeswoman Dana Perino destroying rap music once and for all.


It's Friday So Here's A GIF Tribute To Heroic Girls With Hula Hoops


One of the best perks of this gig, behind only working in my underwear and making Photoshops of Channing Tatum, is that people often send me very strange links, images and videos under the assumption that I’m into that kind of stuff.

white people

Portlandia On The East Coast: The 9th Annual Valentine’s Day Canine Kissing Contest

When I read that the 9th Annual Valentine’s Day Canine Kissing Contest and Cocktail Party took place last week in Portland, I immediately pictured Fred Armisen dressed as a hideous female as a pink dog with giant ear spacers slobbered his face.

white people

This Week In Racist Super Bowl Commercials: Sean Paul Says Volkswagen’s Ad Is Funny


As has become customary in this YouTube era, companies no longer wait for the Super Bowl to actually air their Super Bowl ads, which is why any outrage from PornHub’s executives would be about as real as a Faye Reagan orgasm.

xmas ape

What Does Your Team’s Quarterback Say About Race?


Whether it's Colin Kaepernick's tattoos or Robert Griffin III's alleged brand of cornball blackness, the subject of race remains a flashpoint in our nation's discourse about NFL quarterbacks.

white people

Bottoms Up: 30 Vintage Sports Beer Ads To Send You Into The Weekend


I’m a huge sucker for anything Americana, which is why I’ve often thought that I was born in the wrong era, but then I wouldn’t want to live in any decade that didn’t have the Internet or white rappers.

#Jay Z

Just When You Thought Gwyneth Paltrow Couldn't Possibly Be Any More Ridiculous…


Last weekend, 9/11 hero/white affluence performance artist Gwyneth Paltrow nourished her inner aspect by taking in a Kanye West and Jay-Z Watch The Throne concert in Paris, France.

white people

Naomi Watts to Play Princess Diana


Image via bohemea After some rumblings that the role would go to The Help's Jessica Chastain, it was announced yesterday that Naomi Watts will be playing Princess Diana in the upcoming biopic Caught in Flight.

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